My name is Jordan Belfort. I’m a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm, I made $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week
Based on the true story of Jordan Belfort, from his rise to a wealthy stock-broker living the high life to his fall involving crime, corruption and the federal government. (via IMDb)
Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I’m not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I’m not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone’s gonna fuck my cousin, it’s gonna be me. Out of respect.
I was called a heretic by a certain friend of mine for claiming I would watch this film in two segments, divided neatly in half. I couldn’t do it. Not only was I afraid that I would be burnt as a witch did I dare commit such a horrific crime, the Wolf of Wall Street was too damn good to just turn off and do something as mundane as sleep.
Leonardo DiCaprio scores the home winning run in his portrayal of Jordan Belfort. How he didn’t win an Oscar is now really beyond me. DiCaprio is threatening to become the most undeservedly under celebrated actors of our lifetime and I just can’t see why. Did he annoy someone at the Academy Awards? Is he not a good enough person? Didn’t he just donate a gazillion dollars to saving the earth from angry killer people? I thought the small part of Matthew McConaughey (WHAT is up with these weird surnames?! I have to friggin spell-check that shit every five seconds) showed what a great actor Matt is – not like in Ghosts of Girlfriend’s Past. However, nothing could reach the brilliant charm of DiCaprio.
There seems to be only good things floating around the internet about this – save one or two jackasses who wants to incur the anger of my bestie – but I had been warned that the movie was somewhat offensive and shocking. I would just like to ask that the whole world grow a pair because it was not that bad. Really, there is a lot of boob, drugs and swearing but compared to other material it is merely on the same level – not breaking any new records. If you have lived through the Game of Thrones series then you can stomach The Wolf of Walf Street.
It naturally took me fifty thousand years to get around to watching this – you know I never get into the hype of things lies. (I was actually just a bit scared of the time I would have to sit through watching this – who has three hours of uninterrupted time?) The movie is a whopper in terms of time, hence my initial plan to watch it in segments. Except for one or two scenes I thought went on a bit too much, the movie moves effortlessly from scene to scene with the required attention to detail, never once dragging to an extent where it felt like three hours – a nearly impossible feat.
The most offensive part of the movie was the constant reminder that this all went down and that Jordan Belfort is a real man that did these things. Seeing him only as a character in a movie is one thing but fitting the drugs and greed into one live human being seems unbelievable. I simply cannot fathom what madness could possess a person to become like that.
So, everyone on the planet bitches about this teensy tiny fact, but how the fuck is Leonardo DiCaprio WITHOUT AN FRIGGIN OSCAR?! He is brilliant. He is good. He always gives good performance and never does anything remotely shitty. He is entertaining as Jordan Belfort and endlessly so. HE just gives such authenticity to the character and makes you see the corrupt soul of the man he portrays.
Another gobsmacking performance came courtesy of none other than Jonah Hill. He is not quite on the low Adam Sandler has reached, but he has some movies that makes me wonder how he did not burn the second he set his feet in Hollywood. He was weird and very freaky in this movie, married to his cousin and prone to violence in the WoWS.
Both wives of Belfort were beautifully portrayed by the Margot Robbie and Cristin Milioti. His second wife was much more up to handling his debauchery, merely because she had already had some experience in the weird world Belfort was a resident of. I liked her – I think her main attraction was the money but she was beautiful and intelligent enough and I think that equipped her with enough power to know that she could tell him where to get off and didn’t mind yelling at him. I didn’t think he deserved either wife.
The Wolf of Wallstreet is a truly rare movie in the sense that there isn’t a bad moment. My only complaint is some of the scenes really felt dragged.
Looking under the “shocking” cover of the Wolf of Wall Street you will discover an excellent movie exploring what greed does to a person.
Recommendation: Just do it. Belfort certainly did.