Oh, office life. The office is like returning to highschool – an enclosed space where tempers and hormones flow between people who come from different political, cultural and educational background. A hotbed for dislike, as I’m sure you will all agree. I’ve compiled you a list of the most annoying types around below, but please feel free to add more in the comments section as I am a hundred percent certain the irritation is an ongoing process.
The: I have sooooo many degrees and I am soooooo qualified
Wow, I am so honoured to meet you. Please enlighten me with your 15 years of knowledge gained at University, but please apply all this PRACTICALLY to show me YOU KNOW HOW.
Your degree makes you nothing if you can’t apply it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that I will take a logical, practical problem solver over a highly educated, self-important narcissist who shakes when they use a pipette because it is such a foreign object.
The: My parents are so rich so I studied this and then got bored then tried this and then that wasn’t for me and now I am going to study teaching YAAAY
Well, why don’t you just climb into your Audi that you got on your 18th birthday and drive quickly to a place of safety before any violence gestures ensue?
I am so happy for you that you’ve never really had to work hard a day in your life, that you could always fall back against your parents’ bed of currency. Really now.
The: Oh, I’m so sorry you have bronchitis. I was MUCH sicker than you that one time in Uzbekistan (remember my AWESOME trip right?!) because I had pneumonia and Cholera and Ebola combined.
I think you all get this one really well, so I won’t go into too much detail except suggest that when a person is really ill, they don’t want to hear how much worse off you were than them.
The: I just can’t eat when I’m so stressed type.
Hmm, well, I’ll go drink a milkshake to get over my stress.
The: I am ALWAYS right and your ideas makes no sense, but when I realise you were right and your idea makes sense please don’t expect an apology because I am way too important for that.
Because who needs good vibes at work?
And a bonus: I’m the world’s biggest virgin and yet I boast about my sexual conquests to everyone so they will think I am Tiger Woods.
Bitch please. If you could get a girl to willingly get within fifty meters of you, I am marrying Tom Hardy this weekend.