Five things Friday: The Five Personalities that needs a slap at work

crayons

Oh, office life. The office is like returning to highschool – an enclosed space where tempers and hormones flow between people who come from different political, cultural and educational background. A hotbed for dislike, as I’m sure you will all agree. I’ve compiled you a list of the most annoying types around below, but please feel free to add more in the comments section as I am a hundred percent certain the irritation is an ongoing process.

The: I have sooooo many degrees and I am soooooo qualified

Wow, I am so honoured to meet you. Please enlighten me with your 15 years of knowledge gained at University, but please apply all this PRACTICALLY to show me YOU KNOW HOW.

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Your degree makes you nothing if you can’t apply it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that I will take a logical, practical problem solver over a highly educated, self-important narcissist who shakes when they use a pipette because it is such a foreign object.

The: My parents are so rich so I studied this and then got bored then tried this and then that wasn’t for me and now I am going to study teaching YAAAY

Well, why don’t you just climb into your Audi that you got on your 18th birthday and drive quickly to a place of safety before any violence gestures ensue?

I am so happy for you that you’ve never really had to work hard a day in your life, that you could always fall back against your parents’ bed of currency.  Really now.

The: Oh, I’m so sorry you have bronchitis. I was MUCH sicker than you that one time in Uzbekistan (remember my AWESOME trip right?!) because I had pneumonia and Cholera and Ebola combined.

I think you all get this one really well, so I won’t go into too much detail except suggest that when a person is really ill, they don’t want to hear how much worse off you were than them.

The: I just can’t eat when I’m so stressed type.

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Hmm, well, I’ll go drink a milkshake to get over my stress.

The: I am ALWAYS right and your ideas makes no sense, but when I realise you were right and your idea makes sense please don’t expect an apology because I am way too important for that.

Because who needs good vibes at work?

And a bonus: I’m the world’s biggest virgin and yet I boast about my sexual conquests to everyone so they will think I am Tiger Woods.

Bitch please. If you could get a girl to willingly get within fifty meters of you, I am marrying Tom Hardy this weekend.

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18 thoughts on “Five things Friday: The Five Personalities that needs a slap at work

    • Kim – over the years I’ve had different teams reporting to me here, until about two years ago, I had four women who reported to me for about six years. That wasn’t always a lot of fun for me. And no – I am NOT being sexist.

      • My environment is mostly female, and I need patience/ 24/7 to deal with them. Would rather work with men, if I have to be honest, although they can be just as much of a pain. Think I should become my own boss rather hahaha

  1. Sorry – hot keyed something there…..

    “I’M TOO BUSY TO DO ANYTHING DON’T TALK TO ME OR EMAIL ME OR CALL ME AND I CAN’T DO THE TASKS ASSIGNED TO ME!!!!!!!” type…

    Pappy!

    • Pappy!

      Thank goodness I saw the second comment hahahaha. Was so confused!

      Oh, yes. THEY ARE SO BUSY AND IMPORTANT AND BUSY AND THE WORLD WILL COLLAPSE IF THEY DON’T WORK RIGHT NOW.

      Kidney!!

  2. Chemistry Kidney,

    This gave me my big laugh for the day, thank you SO much. Goodness knows I needed this. I cannot tell you how on the ball you are with this, and your writing style was just superb! LOVE IT!

    Bkushi

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