Movie Review: The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies (2014)


Plot: Bilbo and Company are forced to engage in a war against an array of combatants and keep the terrifying Smaug from acquiring a kingdom of treasure and obliterating all of Middle-Earth. (IMDb)



Sound track:5/10

Costumes: 8/10


Pacing: 3/10

Time run vs. Time needed: 144 minutes vs. 120 minutes6/10

Stance within genre: 5/10

Book adaption: 5/10

Likeability: 5.5/10

=60/100 = 6/10

What I liked:


Thorin’s decent into madness and his redemption. These were some of the only scenes that felt true and authentic, it was part of the actual literature and Richard Armitage’s portrayal was something I continued to enjoy.

Luke Evans as Bard: The village people couldn’t act if something slapped them in the face, but Evans impressed me as the no-nonsense leader the Lake town needed.

Ken Stott as Balinwas so dignified. I actually enjoyed all the dwarves, but just as a note, dwarves should NOT be so attractive. (hem hem, Fili, Kili, Thorin)


Azog the Defiler and all his merry Orcs: I can’t remember if he is in the book, but he worked in the movie really well. He was scary and gross and the end of him was actually one of the scenes I thought worked well.

Erebor: SO majestic and beautiful.

The legions of Orc armies – It will always give me goosebumps.

Bless Viggo Mortensen with twenty children for refusing to take part in the Hobbit (hem, hem Orlando Bloom). I knew they would sneak in a mention of Aragorn somewhere, but at least he stayed out of the show like it is supposed to be.

galadriel and gandalf

Ian McKellan as Gandalf, Kate Blanchett as Galadriel, Hugo Weaving as Elrond all stayed excellent casting.

What I didn’t like:

The Graphics: It was jumpy and all over the place. I could not believe that this was a large budget film by the quality of the material – it was obvious that it was fake. It did improve about half way through

Dain: Talk about a character that looks like something from a fairy tale and not real.

The End: Bilbo’s return to the Shire gets at least 15 minutes of unwanted screen time, but you get no peek what happened to Bard, Thranduil, Tauriel and the Dwarves. Furthermore: Bilbo’s return and him finding his stuff being auctioned off? NOT happy with it, it defies everything about Hobbits and their nature.

The music score: One of the main reasons Lord of The Rings was so successful was thanks to the epic music score in the movies. It moved you, helped run the plot and carried every scene through. The music in the Battle of Five Armies was jumpy and didn’t really help the scenes at all.

Bulky Legolas: I mean 1) what is he doing in the Hobbit, 2) he looks so heavy he could break branches of trees and elves should be tall and slender by definition.


Extended fighting scenes: Meh, not really necessary.


Lee Pace is a drag queen: Thranduil did not impress me at all. He was too emotionless and callous and his nasal pronunciation of everything irritated me senseless.

Overall impression: Despite the large budget, the Battle of Five Armies is haphazardly composed. Mostly fan fiction and unimpressive. Peter Jackson needs to step back from the Tolkien material now and leave sacred things sacred.

10 thoughts on “Movie Review: The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies (2014)

  1. Natasha thanks for such an honest review. This is exactly what i feared the film would be like. It was fucked from the start as soon as they decided to make 3 films. And don’t get me started on the sexy dwarf!

    • Sadly the Hobbit franchise had nothing to do with love for the material but love for the money. Even the first movie was already meh.

      Dwarves should just not be sexy.

  2. Chemistry Kidney,

    Meh. I hoped you would rag this something worse (sort of like the chat you sent me :P), but it is such a pity that it turned out like this. Sorry, but we really didn’t need another trilogy, and I am not a fan of what has been done. You convinced me to wait for DVD for this, and here I was contemplating finishing this in theatre at least. Nope, I don’t have the time, money, or energy for that.

    Anyway, soon you will be here then we can bitch about this at length, and watch GOOD movies.


    • Brilliant Bkushi

      My rant had more swearwords than even my blog could handle hahaha. I was SO dissapointed. Don’t waste your cash on this, we will bitch about it soon enough.

      SO CLOSE!


  3. Pingback: 2014 Movies: Part Three | Life of this city girl

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