Heloooo, readers of my blog. It’s Monday again, and to save you from drowning in endless amounts of coffee, here is an excellent post by my favorite IPC, Pappy Eric. Go look on his blog especially now, he is busy hosting is Shitfest, and if you haven’t really explored the exasperation with bad movies, it will brighten up your Monday even more. Enjoy!
Natasha and I have met twice in our lives, once when I got my inoculations and travelled across the world to see her and she was too busy looking at glossy pictures of Chris Hemsworth to see me and just a few weeks ago when she stormed into my office and slapped me across the head. When her people contacted me about doing a third Marvel installment, I agreed based on how much I like Dear Kidney but we had to meet on my terms, in a crowded place, where there would be witnesses in the event of another attack. Her people agreed and we met at a neutral site, beneath the London Eye, and each of us were patted down for hidden weapons.
I’m not really sure WHY I was the only strip searched but I was – it was kind of embarrassing – my bare ass exposed to all of those English people – but – eventually I was cleared and we stepped into one of those cabs and started our trip on the Ferris Wheel. To this day I’m still not sure why I HAD to ride naked but…. There we were…. As our first course was served:
As we dined, I pulled out my – DON’T BE FILTHY!!! – my portfolio and spread my – PERVERTS!!!!!! – my paperwork across the table so she could explore my – SMUT!!! FILTH!!!! – thoughts on the subject. Soon we were engaging in some serious back and forth – PERV!! SMUT!!! – regarding the film until we got to the climax – OF OUR MEAL!!!!!!!! When we enjoyed some cigarettes.
Notable takeaways from this event include: why in the fuck did they make this movie and why was Cage so excited about?????
Why in the fuck was Idris Elba in this thing??????
Ciaran Hinds???? SERIOUSLY?????
What the fuck was this?????
Really??? REALLY????? Christopher Lambert what has your life become???
And for real………… they wrote a script that showcased the Ghost Rider pissing flames??
As well – who pisses like that????? Again:
I guess it’s true that I’ve never really watched another man piss but for me it kind of goes like this:
Seriously, this movie was totally stupid and totally French. French actors playing Greeks, French actors playing gangsters, French actors playing monks. Some French woman gets pregnant by the devil and has his French kid. The devil wants to put his devil soul into the body of the French Boy. Will the Ghost Rider save the day?? Take a guess. This movie was much better when it was called UNMADE. BLECH.
Anyway, after we wrapped that up and I put my clothes back on, I headed back home to The States where it’s so cold that if you peed outside your weenie would freeze and all I could think about was the beach.
I slept very well that night after thinking about the beach for a good minute and the next day, when I got to work I told my secretary about my successful events in London and she was so happy she couldn’t help but to break out in our Office Success Dance right there in the lobby…..
THANKS KIDNEY for letting me do all of these!! I’m sad to know Marvelous Mondays are going to end soon : ( : ( This has been good fun!!!