Plot: A CIA operative hires a team of mercenaries to eliminate a Latin dictator and a renegade CIA agent.
Hmm, I love me a good action movie. Strong fearless men overcoming impossible odds? Bring the popcorn. I’ve wanted to get around to The Expendables for ages now I know quite a number of people (guys) who are embarrassingly in love with the franchise, and since I enjoy a good action movie, I thought: hey, why not?
I think I would have enjoyed The Expendables more if it HAD been a good action movie. The dialogue is cringe worthy and I have no idea how the cast managed to act their roles out without bursting into laughter. Lead characters Jason Statham (I don’t get the fuss about him being good-looking… NO) and Stallone (Whose symmetrical features I found way too attractive #yuck #old #itsStallone) attempt to portray a strong bromance relationship that falls flat because the dialogue is so bad. It appears that they wanted Statham to appear like he was more in touch with his feelings than the rest of the cast but that too didn’t even get a few seconds of proper directing or time.
Stallone… sheesh. I was a bit disgusted that I thought for a few seconds he’s attractive – the guy was about four hundred years old at the time this film was shot and that is very deep into the grandpa territory for me. It was really painful to see him run. It looks excruciating and as if he couldn’t get quite into his whole sprinting sequence.
The story itself is so out of control silly. The mercenaries infiltrate small country Vilena to save them from the brutal rule of ex-CIA officer James Munroe (Eric Roberts), a one dimensional villain with no real development or cause. The main attraction on Vilena seems to be the money involved and the pretty lady Sandra (Giselle Itlie), which is probably a fine reason to head over to a terrorist infested country if you are a mercenary. The plan and reason for the attack is never really made clear except for the five seconds Bruce Willis appears on screen pretending to be scary and who is quickly joined and departed by Arnie who then also backs out because he is too busy being cool or being governor to spend more time on this crap.
The CGI… the most I can really say is that the tomato sauce bursting from people looked WAY authentic. Seriously, what was up with that and the ridiculous fight sequences? I think if I went and brought a CGI for Dummies book and sat and studied it for an hour I would have done a better job than this.
The only interesting about this film was Mickey Rourke. The man has a commanding presence on screen and focusing on him is quite easy because his acting is good, what he says seems interesting and he looks so intense and badass.
Then there are the three ladies that appear on screen that had me off my rocker with irritation: The first one is the typical cheating female, who then later appears with a black eye and Jason Statham gallantly loses his shit and beats up abusive co-cheater and his merry band of friends. Sheesh, Jason, SUCH a gentleman hey?! Then, Mickey Rourke brings in his typical hooker lady, all enthusiastic about being on Mickey’s lap. Hey, Mickey is allowed to have a hooker on his lap if he wants one, but all the same, distasteful and unoriginal. The last lady to appear on screen is Sandra, who manages to be hot while looking pure and intense and everything men of Stallone’s caliber could ever want. Nice going there, Expendables: feeding your largely testosterone driven crowd more stereotypes for consumption about females.
The Expendables is truly what it advertises: a testosterone fest without a plot or a second of originality. It is rushed and underdeveloped and I even though I’m happy that it ended under two hours it needed either more time for the plot to actually appear on screen or less ass kicking and more explanation why asses were being kicked. Not my thing at all, although perhaps I simply do not have the sufficient level of testosterone to handle this!