It is a universally accepted truth that no parent should ever bury their child.
I’m not about to disagree with that because it is true – it is the way life is supposed to go
But what is really never discussed is how painful it is for a child to bury their parent.
My father Jan Hendrik Stander passed away on the 19th of September 2015.
He had a short battle with liver cancer.
He was first hospitalized in May 2015.
He died four months later.
Cancer is not kind. It is not romantic and it isn’t what they make in the movies.
There is nothing beautiful about it.
I saw a strong, funny, hyper intelligent man turn into a deathly pale invalid that could not move himself.
Cancer reveals what love is.
But it isn’t this pretty thing that people think.
It’s a painful, maddening love that makes you weep hysterically.
It makes you shake your fist angrily at whatever deity might be listening.
Cancer makes you question religion. I think it is impossible to blindly trust God at times like this.
But cancer makes you also realize what is important – family and a handful of friends.
Earthly possessions holds no value.
My father was a wonderful man – he had a sarcastic sense of humor, and he could be so negative that I could sometimes only laugh. He was incredibly well read and intelligent, he was kind to car guards and to waiters, he had faith that he based on facts and not because he was told to believe.
It is unreal that he is gone – how can life just be wiped away so completely?
I will miss him forever. He was one of the best men I will ever know, and the void in my life feels huge. I know the sadness will fade and that life will move on, but he will always be my father and I will love him to the end of days.
So sad to hear about your dad, and my condolences to you and your family as you cope with the loss.
Thanks Nish.
I’m devasted to read this post Natasha. This is a true test of life and it will pass. I’m going through it myself, my mom has stage 4 breast cancer and I think it’s f**king bullshit she has it. But I love reading pieces like this because it calms me, calms me right before a wave of impossible contempt for just the basic facts of life (we get sick, we all eventually pass on) basically consumes me. I get really mad when unfair stuff happens, and I need to be better about that and just grow up ,but it’s really difficult.
I know you’ll pull through. The cliche is horrible, but time does heal all.
Nice comment Tom, I’m thinking of you and your mum also x (cancer is a real bitch, I know). What you say is very true.
Thanks so much Em! Very nice of you to say. Cancer’s a fucker! 😉
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother Tom. I’ve come to realize that no one really understands the effects of cancer until someone close to them has it.
You shouldn’t be so strict on yourself. Those angry feelings don’t go away – I’m still angry at life right now.
Thanks Tom. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts.
Thanks for the well wishes Natasha. You and yours are in my thoughts as well in this difficult time. Be well.
Hang in there Tom! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom! 😦
Thanks kindly Rob. That means a lot.
Wish there was a way to do more… ;(
I think I speak on Natasha’s behalf here as well, that u saying anything at all is more than enough. You’re good people Rob. 🙂
😉
Very sorry to hear about your mom, Tom. I’ll be thinking of you & your family.
;( Sorry to hear about your mom, Tom. The world is a cruel, senseless place sometimes and it sucks.
Oh man!! I can’t believe he’s gone!! I will always remember how friendly your dad was! And he was so funny! RIP Oom Jan! Gaan oom mis
Dankie maat xx
I’m so sorry for your loss
Thank you xx
I am so sorry to read this.
Thanks Alex xx
So sad for you Natasha, this post brought tears to my eyes. I’m thinking of you xxx
Thanks Emma xx
My thoughts and condolences go out to you and your family. Take care, Natasha. Sending you lots of virtual hugs.
Thanks Kim
😦 I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand the pain. My thoughts are with you always.
xxxx
Thank you xx
Great post Nat!
unfortunately there are lots of things in the world that we can’t even begin to understand why they happen… 😦
sorry for your loss and condolences to you and your family on this tragic loss.
May you never feel more sorrow
Thanks Rob xx
Very sorry to hear about your dad, Natasha. He sounded like a great man. My thoughts are with you & your family.
Thanks xx
;( This post absolutely broke my heart my friend, it’s beautiful and so heartbreaking. Senseless and stupid things happen to good people, and I am so sorry you and your family had to go through this 😦
Thanks bestie. and thanks for always being there xx
Always!
So sorry to hear about your father. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thanks Vinnieh xx
I’m so sorry for your loss Natasha. Just this September my dog (who was my splendid best friend) of twelve years passed away from cancer. The loss is enormous. What I’m learning through grief is taking day by day and honoring our loved ones through our memories and our own lives. My thoughts and support are with you.
Thank you Katy. You are right – we honor those who passed away by fully living our own lives to the best of our abilities.
I am so sorry to hear about your dog – I lost a dachshund puppy last year and I thought my heart would never recover from it, but time makes the loss better.
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