You’ve been Tinderised

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For as long as the earth has been revolving on its’ axis, human beings have been concerned with the survival of their species. Make fire, hunt for food, breathe in oxygen, and find someone to reproduce offspring with. As centuries have gone by we have refined how we do it, but we are still trying to achieve the same goals as our cave dwelling ancestors were. It might have become a bit classier (OR HAS IT?) but at the end of the day the hunt remains the same.

Men have thankfully changed their tactic from dragging females, or whichever gender they prefer, by the hair to the caves to sending text messages. I’m not sure but I think it might be an improvement. I honestly sometimes wonder if men were as crude in handwritten letters as they are in text messages?(Guys, don’t comment at the end of this with the usual “that is an unfair generalization” in the tone of a two year old – just replace “man” with “woman” whenever you want to).

The dating scene has changed radically. The way we approach each other is so different. It is sad, because old school courting has a certain level of appeal than meeting up in a club simply does not possess. Sure, females are more enlightened (YES and IMPORTANT) but it really feels like the men have just given up – and yes, I can predict the amount of flak I’m going to get for some of the things I’m bitching about in here.

To make things easier, modern humans are able to do online dating. The stigma that has always been associated with it is gone, people freely share their stories and are only too happy to tell you if they’ve met their partner through a dating site, clearly implying that you might also be just as lucky to meet someone.

Here is what they don’t tell you. They tell you that it is completely okay to be on a dating website, and it is, but they omit how incredibly awkward things can get. It is a weird business, this online dating.

I’ve been on Tinder for a couple of months now and I’m still a bit freaked by it all. Tinder is a pretty decent site from what I’ve been told of other sites. Let’s just say that makes me worry about the other sites.

The Tinder rules are easy – aswipe to the left is a no and a swipe to the right is yes. Very simple. But not so simple. Are you being too picky? Are you being not picky enough? What’s the benchmark? I usually swipe right if I know I’ll check you out in real life too. Because call me superficial, but physical attraction is a real thing and it needs to be factored in.

The categories of the Tinder men:

  • The pervert. Yes. Let’s start with you. You first start your messages with “Hey Sexy”. I bet it took you fifty years to think of that one. You then proceed to be overly sexual and disgusting. Is a bit of decency too much to ask? Where is your mother? Does she know what you say to women? You usually then proceed to go all John Wayne Gacey and I’m convinced you are standing outside my window, happily stroking… your moustache. I swear if I hear the question “What do you wear under a lab coat?” one more time, I might get an aneurysm. What do you think? That I’m nude? Bitch, I’m layering as much as clothes possible between me and resistant bacterial strains. And Mr. Sandton, thank you for texting me “DTF?, I’m at the Hilton”, because I Googled that shit and I now even know what DTF means.
  • Mr. Aggressive. Clearly someone kept all the wrong things from the Neanderthal because you still think that women like being “threatened”. If you say “you will listen to me”; “you MUST talk to me” and “so you think you can ignore me” before we’ve even met, brother, you done.
  • I’m so damaged: Oh this one has either been hurt by a girl, his family or his coworkers, but the need for a mother figure is very strong in his life.
  • The “I’m actually really really cool” guy with sunglasses in most of his pictures. If you so cool, why are you still single?
  • Mr. Desperado We are all looking for someone here, but don’t do WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A MAN or WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM TINDER in .45 seconds from our first contact. Also, don’t even try “I love you” when we haven’t even met. What is WRONG with you?
  • The one with the cheesy status:Literally saw this one: “I was watching an ad the other day of a couple and realized that is what I want for me” WTFFFFF
  • THE ONE WHO IS IN A RELATIONSHIP What the ever loving fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!!?

So, is it even worth it?

I really think it is. Despite the 50 totally useless scumbags, there are a few guys that appear relatively decent. Some of the guys I’ve been speaking to for a while has impressed me because I really thought that some of them were duds and they proved me wrong. Not everyone you are sure you will like will be likeable but not everyone that you thought would suck will turn out sucky. The point is, you have to try. If you are like me and not a social butterfly in large crowds, you need an avenue where you can let people see who you are without having to actual talking. It takes some courage and a lot of sense, but you can do it.

What Tinder has taught me:

It is okay to have rules and boundaries. Why are women conditioned in society to automatically doubt their sixth sense about creeps? I’ve realized that if he sounds creepy, walk away, because he probably really is creepy.

You can say no. Repeat after me: “NO”. There we go!

It can be soothing on a really superficial level. SIXTY men liked my profile in the last hour? GO ME, GO ME, GO ME.

I can stand up for myself. This surprised me. I will share the full story at a later stage, but this one incident of declaring that no-one treats me in a certain way was one of the best moments in my entire life.

Some rules:

If you like the person, move them over to Whatsapp. It is much easier to talk to people there.

Trust your intuition. Believe me, it’s rarely wrong. If the guy seems off, he usually is.

However, don’t be overly paranoid. Tinder is based on Facebook profiles and while I don’t claim that Facebook only has respectable users, it does add a bit of authenticity. But like I said, use that very powerful gut feeling on when to walk away and when to stay and take a chance.

There will be a lot of failed conversations, ignored messages, inappropriate content. Just remember your barriers and keep your chin up. Believe me, there will always be some other guy.

Eventually you must meet in person. Because virtual relationships aren’t real, so go out, meet the guy, be awkward and learn how to go on dates. That is the whole point of things, isn’t it?

Some tips:

Be yourself. No use pretending, ensnaring the man with your imaginary wiles and then you aren’t the cool chick you pretended to be.

Make conversation, not polite howdy do’s. Be your fun loving self and be honest. Volunteer information and keep the conversation ongoing. Check for mutual likes or dislikes and figure out what you have in common. Lately I don’t even enter the “Hey, WUD” stuff, because 1) if you can’t type out What Are You Doing you obviously don’t have the time to talk to me and 2) I’d much rather prefer to talk to someone that makes me laugh with an obviously designed pickup line. Duh.

So give me some feedback here below! I would love to hear if you’ve been on Tinder and what your opinion is on it.

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10 thoughts on “You’ve been Tinderised

  1. Ah bestie, this piece is bloody fantastic, and well worth the wait! I can’t wait for your big story cause (I am sure it is what I think it is) it was a freaking GREAT moment for you.

  2. My dearest Kidney,

    I wish I could protect you from all of the Unclean out there…. : (

    Although the part about being nude under the lab coat cracked me the fuck up! I guess I’ll go to work today. Showers. Gets dressed. Drives to work. Goes to locker. Strips nude. Puts on lab coat. Starts work.

    Love,

    Uncle Pappy

  3. Hi There,

    Loved reading about your thoughts on Tinder, as well as the break down of the typical Tinder men, sigh!

    I hear your point about Tinder being ‘worth it’, and having the courage to give it a try, however, should we be re-focussing on having the courage to communicate face to face with each other, rather than hiding behind online profile, which, the majority of the time are in fact highly fabricated. Living in a society where we are constantly in touch with all these “contact”-less people – is it time we logged off our online dating sites, and retreated back to more conventional forms of dating, showcasing our interpersonal skills?!

    I look forward to hearing your response,
    Thanks,
    A.S

    • Thanks for stopping by!

      Having the courage to speak to someone is so great – I agree with you. I would love to be in a society again where people really communicate with each other and not just via technology. However, I thought for myself that it would be a handy tool to use because I have so little time to get out there and meet new people (The whole rat race drama of a young professional is never ending!) It also helps people that are naturally a bit shy. I found that it is really helpful having built up a foundation of communication first, because then that conversation can continue.

      At the end of the day meeting someone the “natural” way is so much more preferable. I’ve gone off Tinder by now, because you get a lot of… interesting characters on there :).

      N

      • Thanks for your insight and prompt reply! My blog, Log Off for Love is really about building awareness collectively, so as a society we can communicate with one another without feeling awkward! I’ve just made a blog post detailing the inspiration behind it all – would love for you to stop by and have a read! Thanks,
        A.S

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