Movie Review: Underwold Bloodwars (2016)

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Plot:Vampire death dealer, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her.

Although my fondness for the franchise has not dimmed in the least, the last two Underworld films have been really bad compared to the previous three. It feels like they story has veered far off from what the original was about. Bloodwars does not mention what happened in Awakening. Apparently the human race conveniently forgot that vampires and lycans exist and just happily ceased the war that they subsequently raged on them. Seline’s daughter was spirited away by executive producers for no other reason. There are some strange new vampires that have been to the other side. Seline soon joins them and gains delightful highlights. It seems like the writers are desperately trying to replace Scott Speedman with Theo James. I’ve said it in my review of Awakening too, so please note that Theo James, for all his deliciousness, isn’t the character we want to end up with Seline. There is no one for her but Michael, and whatever issues the directors have with Scott Speedman better be resolved before the next film because no one believes the easy copout they sicced on us. I enjoy his inclusion as David, but really, give me my Michael back. Tobias Menzies as Marcus was okay. He provided the necessary antagonist, but was he really convincing? The character isn’t developed or explored. He has a terrible backstory, similar to Michael and Lucian, but he isn’t properly introduced and felt like an empty antagonist by the end of it.

Underworld Bloodwars is the sloppiest of the franchise, with bad writing and heartless performances. It certainly isn’t my favorite of the bunch, and I do hope that when the sixth film gets the light they will have a story to tell again.

Rating: 5.5/10

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Movie Review: Underworld Awakening (2012)

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Plot: When human forces discover the existence of the Vampire and Lycan clans, a war to eradicate both species commences. The vampire warrior Selene leads the battle against humankind.  

The fourth film in the Underworld franchise, Awakening, was incidentally my first exposure to them. I watched it with my then boyfriend in cinema, and was slightly bemused by it all. It probably would have been more efficient to have watched the first three before watching the fourth, but I wasn’t as smart back then. Five years later I have now watched all five films can tell you that Awakening still isn’t my favorite film in the series. The return of Seline should have been enough to make Awakening exciting, but even Kate Beckingsale can’t save this mess.

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The biggest flaw of Awakening is that the lycans as the disgusting enemy again. Where the four previous films made a bit of effort to give a showed that the ancient war between the two species is much more than just black and white war, Awakening parrots the introduction of the very first film.

The decision to include humans and make them aware of the existence and the subsequent outbreak was an expected but disappointing decision. I was perfectly fine with a covert war continuing.

Charles Dance has such an ability to be cast as some vampire / ancient douchebag. He has a twinkle in his eye which tells me he had a lot of fun being a vampire. I enjoyed him thoroughly.

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I will take some Theo James any day, but really now, he’s no Scott Speedman. I refuse to believe Michael is dead, and even if he is brought back in the very final film, he better be bought back. I’m glad they didn’t try and push another romance here, I would have been furious – Michael and Seline for life.

Introducing a kid – also something I wouldn’t prefer but it is the natural process for Michael and Seline to have a kid. India Eisley as number 2 / Eve was quite terrifying when she transformed.

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It came as surprise during the last part of the film when you realize what is actually happening in the city. I didn’t see it coming, and I usually catch a plot twist a mile away, so that was pretty good work by the writers.

I really like how short these films are. They are mostly under two hours and works to underline that they are good and honest fun, not to be taken seriously. I am still really interested in the lore here and I think some parts of the franchise could have been better managed, but for the most part this remains a sexy, dark story of the world’s creepiest creatures.

Rating: 6.5/10

 

Favorite Movie Quote: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

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I recently had the pleasure of watching Pride and Prejudice and Zombies for the third (?) time. It is such a fun adaption of the original work. I really do hope to get to the PPZ book soon as I am currently finishing up the original Pride and Prejudice.

As for today’s quote: The famed letter that Mr. Darcy writes to Elizabeth were he explains himself is beautiful across all the adaptions.The entirety of this letter is explanatory and heart breaking, but I am particularly fond of this paragraph:

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Of all weapons in the world, I now know love to be the most dangerous. For I have suffered a mortal wound. When did I fall so deeply under your spell, Miss Bennet? I cannot fix the hour or the spot or the look or the words which lay the foundation. I was in the middle before I knew I began. But a proud fool I was. I have faced the harsh truth: that I can never hope to win your love in this life. – Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Here’s my review if you haven’t seen it yet!

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Movie Review: Me Before You (2016)

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Plot: Lou Clark knows lots of things. She knows how many footsteps there are between the bus stop and home. She knows she likes working in The Buttered Bun tea shop and she knows she might not love her boyfriend Patrick. What Lou doesn’t know is she’s about to lose her job or that knowing what’s coming is what keeps her sane. Will Traynor knows his motorcycle accident took away his desire to live. He knows everything feels very small and rather joyless now and he knows exactly how he’s going to put a stop to that. What Will doesn’t know is that Lou is about to burst into his world in a riot of color. And neither of them knows they’re going to change each other for all time

Rating: 6/10

If you read my review of the book here, you’d know that I enjoyed the book. Me Before You is quite the controversial book with a whole lot of people being upset about the approach to both paraplegic patients and euthanasia. I’m definitely pro euthanasia, and while I certainly understand why people are against it, I DO feel that people often look at it from the survivor’s perspective and not from the patients’ perspective. This is however not a debate about that, so let’s talk rather about the film.

It lacks the personality of the book. Some filler information was left out of the film, which was a good thing because there are times where the book does feel winding. It does leave out some things that should have been included though – you are never privy as to why the bond between Lou and Will becomes so strong. You also never see how sick and uncomfortable Will is, and how much he lost after his accident. Despite the impressive acting from Sam Claflin, he still at times comes across as a petulant rich white kid in a wheel chair, which isn’t what Will was in the books.

I did like that the relationship between Will’s mother and father is much better in the film. The book has them on the edge of divorce and I think that the story has enough melodrama without a crumbling marriage as well.

I didn’t like that they underplayed the difficult relationship Lou has with her sister. They are basically frenemies in the books, and turned into besties in the film. Lou’s home life is pretty bleak in the books, and apart from the discussion of some financial woes, you never really get to understand how much Will changed Lou’s life.

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The two main characters were well cast. I find Sam Claflin a really accomplished actor and he is able to bring Will to life as much as the script writers allowed him too. I had some issues with Emilia Clarke – her facial expressions were all over the show. She did manage to be Lou though, and I liked that.

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I loved the adaption of this scene! Really exactly what I imagined in the book. It was sweet and hilarious and showed the difference between Will and Lou’s frankly terrible and egotistical boyfriend.

Why the low rating you ask when I keep mentioning the things I liked? I thought it didn’t reach the emotional depths of the book, it didn’t show us why the two characters became so attached, it never really displayed how much Will actually lost after his accident. Basically if you see this film you will be a little sad, sure, but reading the book broke my heart in the way only a really good story can. What I’m trying to say here is that Me Before You is not a terrible adaption, but it does lack the heart to make it truly heartbreaking.

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Movies 2016: Worst to Best

The year 2016 will be known for a number of things – an inordinate amount of celebrity deaths and an equally inordinate amount of lackluster movies. Are these two correlated? I’m not convinced its’ not. Anyway, here is my list of movies I watched this year that was released in 2016. It’s not been a good one.

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Number 19: Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice 6/10

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Number 18: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them 6/10

Number 17: Before You 6/10

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Number 16: The Choice 6.5/10

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Number 15: How to be single 6.5/10

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Number 14: The 5th Wave 7/10

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Number 13: SUICIDE SQUAD 7/10

Number 12: Rogue One: 7/10

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Number 11: The Huntsman: Winter’s War 7/10

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Number 10: Legend of Tarzan 7.5/10

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Number 9: Finding Dory 7.5/10

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Number 8: Captain America: Civil War: 7.5/10

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Number 7: Zootopia 8/10

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Number 6: The Jungle Book 8/10

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Number 5: 10 Cloverfield lane 8/10

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Number 4: Dr. Strange 8/10

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Number 3: Deadpool (8/10)

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Number 2: Bridget Jones’ Baby: 8.5/10

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Number 1: Pride and Prejudice vs. Zombies 8.5/10

Movie Review: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

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Plot: Five sisters in 19th century England must cope with the pressures to marry while protecting themselves from a growing population of zombies

Rating: 8.5/10

ERRR-EM-GHEE. I LOVED THIS.

Okay, now that that is out of the way, let me tell you, this film was tailor made for me. I am 1) a huge fan of the original work despite having to fully read the book 2) detailing on that means that I’ve seen the 2005 movie with Keira Knightley and Matthew McFayden and I consider myself an expert 3) I’ve read the book about halfway but olden English can be challenging and I’m just an Afrikaans Girl in an English world – which should be a song or at least a blogpost 4) I’ll stop sounding deranged now and actually review this.

This movie is really Pride and Prejudice but with Zombies. Exactly. It is based on the successful adaption / parody by Seth Graham-Smith, and if the book is like the movie, I am so on board with reading it (a little flip from how I usually approach things). I’m a little sad that this film didn’t do great in cinema because it is so much fun.

I thought Lily James made the perfect Elizabeth Bennet. Ms. Bennet has always been the original feminist, and adding some ass kicking skills to her resume only made her seem more so. Excluding Mr. Darcy, the females in the film does the majority of zombie slashing and there is an underlying humor that suggests that the men are a bit more afraid than the ladies of zombies. Lily was as sassy and as proper as Jane requires of a character, and had undeniable chemistry with Sam Riley – a crucial element in making the relationship dynamic between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth work out.

Initially I was a bit concerned with Mr. Darcy being portrayed by Sam Riley. It is a really difficult thing to pull off – being a bit of a prick while still being able to be compelling and attractive. Sam Riley has a really weird voice – it took a while to get used to. However, he was able to portray the character with conviction and before long I was so on board with him. He was tormented and unamused and serious and it was so hot man. The chemistry between Lily James and Sam Riley is kind of through the roof. It was really hot in a dignified way.

As for the rest of the cast, you will see some Charles Dance and Lena Headley, Matt Smith and Douglas Booth (notably). There were some new names that I haven’t seen on screen before, like Bella Heathcote that did a really good job with Jane Bennet, a tricky role because the character needs to be beautiful and shy without being a pain in the ass. Jack Huston played Mr. Wickham. I’m starting to recognize Huston more and more on screen and he seems to be a fine actor that is going somewhere. He has a specific period look that suited the film well, and was sufficiently slimy in his portrayal of Mr. Wickham. Lena Headley was way underused – the woman has a comedic ability that is suppressed in Game of Thrones. I am always a huge fan of any person that emits sarcasm through every pore in their body and Headley manages that with aplomb.

The pace of the film is good, it is neither too long nor too short. I was ready to riot a few minutes before the end – watch it to see why – and I was spared this use of energy a few moments later when I was really happy with the end.

I really never knew that I needed a version of Pride vs. Prejudice with zombies, but let me tell you, my life is so much better for it now!

Movie Review: Dracula Untold (2014)

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Vlad: “Men don’t fear swords. They fear monsters.”

IMDb: As his kingdom is being threatened by the Turks, young prince Vlad Tepes must become a monster feared by his own people in order to obtain the power needed to protect his own family, and the families of his kingdom.

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Rating: 7/10

This movie has the worst ratings on IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes (especially), which just shows how critics can troll a movie when they want because Dracula Untold is not nearly as shitty as they would like you to believe. I had a really good time, especially since the movie was paced in a way that it doesn’t feel dragged out, the characters are interesting and the effects are rather amazing. The film looks really good as well – it was shot beautifully and the dark tone was interesting and compelling. The story isn’t a hundred percent solid but once again it’s not bad and you can follow what is going on all the and you can have a great time if you are not dead focused on looking at its faults.

The beginning does feel rushed because I would have appreciated more background on Vlad, why he ended up hating the Turks, his relationship with Mehmed and the bond they shared as children. The initial meeting with the Master Vampire went by too quickly and his abilities and background was mostly taken as something the audience would understand and not something to be explored on screen. I also think that Vlad’s supernatural powers was inconsistent because he could hear excellently at some points but it was weakened at other points and there were the same issues with his supernatural eyesight as well. The reincarnation at the end of Dracula Untold made up for unneeded deaths

Luke Evans has been edging his way into Hollywood as someone solid to keep your eye on and he did a fantastic job as Vlad. Evans made you understand that Vlad had seen a great deal of horror in his life; he had an epic story that followed him, that he was powerful before his consumption of vampire blood and he only did it to save his people, not for personal gain. His love for his wife and how gentle he was with her was sweet and I understood that she and Ingeras were Vlad’s redemption from his former life.

Dominic Cooper actually managed to not look like a spoiled little boy (this has always been my perception of him) and I thought he looked exactly like a leader of that time – faintly ridiculous in his garb but still not someone you would mess with.

Charles Dance friggin ROCKED as Master Vampire. His voice is so unmistakable that I immediately recognized Tywin Lannister and he looked eery and wicked cool.

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I have some good things to say about Art Parkinson and Sarah Gadon. Art, also a Game of Thrones protégée, steered clear of being annoying, something he probably learnt at the GoT studios because those kids are less irritating than other children in shows and movies. Sarah Gadon is absolutely gorgeous but more importantly she was a strong character, wasn’t all swoony in the arms of her majestic prince and could act – the women in these dark fantasy roles are useless characters most of the time.

Dracula Untold was eons better than The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies, which Evans also stars in, and I,Frankenstein, which are the two movies of 2014 I could group it with. Dracula Untold has some flaws, but the acting is solid and the overall feel of the movie made for an entertaining time.

Game of Thrones (Season 4)

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****Contains Spoilers*****

The Plot:

Joffrey Baratheorn (Jack Gleeson) is set to marry Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer). The guests start to arrive for the extravagant affair, and Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal) is one of them. His mission is clear – to find and kill the man that raped and murdered his sister Elia.

Roose Bolton (Michael McElhatton)is Warden of the North, a title he was awarded for the successful assassination of Robb Stark. Bolton returns to Dreadfort and to his bastard son, Ramsay Snow. There he sees what Ramsay (Iwan Rheon)has done to TheonGreyjoy. Theon (Alfie Allen) is now convinced his name is Reek, and after months of torture he is enslaved to Ramsay. Bolton plans to kill the remaining Stark children to ensure his family rules the North for generations. He promises Ramsay a proper family title should he have a significant part with this project, as well as reclaiming lands the Iron Born hold.

The lame Bran Stark is still on his way to find the three eyed raven with his friends, Jojen and Meera Reed, as well as the giant Hodor. Despite their impending starvation, they persist and travel further and further into unknown territory.

Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) is still sulking over his defeat at Blackwater Bay, while Sir Davos Seaworth (Liam Cunningham) is trying to rebuild Stannis’s army. The Baratheon army has funding problems, and Stannis and Davos go to the Bank of Bravos for funding. They are initially unsuccessful, but later Davos saves the day yet again when he manages to convince their potential financers to invest. Melisandre (Carice Von Houten) burns several people alive as sacrifice, and her staunch supporter Queen Selyse is delighted with Melisandre’s antics, even after knowing that Melisandre slept with her husband Stannis.

Things are not going well for Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage). After being forced into marriage to Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner), he eventually breaks off his relationship with his mistress Shae, specifically to protect her from his family. She is furious with him, but he is relieved that she has left for safety. Jaime Lannister (NikolajWaldau-Coster) is relearning the art of sword fighting after he lost his sword hand, aided by his brother’s right hand man, Bronn (Jerome Flynn).

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The Royal Wedding arrives and tension keeps building between Tyrion and Joffrey. Joffrey is taunting his uncle in every way he can find. He is poisoned and dies, and points to Tyrion as he falls, who is arrested on the spot. Sansa Stark flees the scene immediately, and arouses suspicion that she may have been involved. She is taken to a mysterious boat where PetyrBaelish (Aiden Gillen) is waiting for her, and promises to take her to her aunt, Lady Lysa Arryn, Lady of The Vale, for protection.

Cersei (Lena Headey) is maddened by the grief of her son’s death and will do anything to have Tyrion executed, sure he is the guilty party. Tommen Baratheon, Cersei’s youngest son, becomes the imminent King, and Tywin (Charles Dance) begins to educate him in matters of the throne. Tommen seems much kinder than his deceased brother, although still very young. Margaery is soon betrothed to Tommen, and visits him in his chamber on the orders of her grandmother. Instead of seducing him, they have a nice conversation, and she leaves.

Samwell Tarly (John Bradley) is very worried about Gilly’s safety as the only woman at the Wall. He devises a plan, to take Gilly into Mole’s Town to work and stay there. She isn’t very happy about it all, but agrees at the end. The Wildlings are getting closer to Castle Black, led by Mance Ryder (Ciarán Hinds). With them is Ygritte (Rose Leslie), Jon Snow’s slighted lover who is wants revenge on him for deserting her. Jon (Kit Harrington) has to deal with being disliked by the temporary Lord Commander, his contradicting feelings about Ygritte and the worries about the Watchmen who rebelled and is still living at Craster’s Keep. They decide to attack the rebels to protect any information their former friends could give to the Wildlings, and afterwards Jon agrees that the women who were still at Craster’s old home can go their own way, understanding that they might be tired of men after all they’ve been through.

Daenerys Targyren is still laying siege to every city she approaches, and when she reaches Meeren she once again plan to attack the city when they laugh at her demands to free their slaves. Daario Naharis (Michiel Huisman) the leader of a sell sword army under Daenerys’ employ, volunteers to fight the warrior Meeren sends out. He is victorious, and the slaves are soon set free to meet out punishment on the cruel masters.

On her way to her aunt, Sansa Stark begins to realise how far Petyr Baelish would go for power and the love he had for her mother, and maybe herself. He admits to being the one of the conspirators that helped with the murder at King’s Landing, and admits that his allegiance with the Lannisters ended as soon as it no longer benefited him.

Tyrion is still in prison and his situation continues to worsen. Although Podrick (Daniel Portman) is willing to continue serving him, Tyrion knows that it will mean his loyal friend’s death. Bronn admits to being brought out by Cercei and doesn’t seem too worried that he is deserting the man who helped him become something. Only Jaime still regularly goes to visit his brother in prison, and he devises a plan to help his brother’s friends. He tasks Lady Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie) with finding Sansa Stark and protecting her, and they send Podrick with her.

Petyr and Sansa arrive in the Eyrie, where they are welcomed by Lysa, Sansa’s mad aunt who is deeply in love with Petyr. Sansa is welcomed into the palace, but she is under constant watch still – her aunt wants her to marry her cousin Robbin, and she watches Petyr and Sansa like hawks for any sign of affection. Petyr marries Lysa.

Daenerys realises she is making a mess of managing her new cities when Jorah Mormont informs her that slavery has returned in Astapor and Yunkai. She realises that she needs to govern what she rules, and decides to postpone her invasion of Westeros. A lot of her problems are trying to control her now massive dragons – if they are not frying goats they are killing children. Before Daario leaves to control the resurgence of slavery in Yunkai he and Daenerys sleep together, irritating Jorah.

When everyone, including Shae, gives false testimony against Tyrion, he is angered and hurt. He demands trial by combat, but there are few volunteers when it becomes known that Gregor Clegane is the opponent Cersei hired. Oberyn Martell comes to Tyrion’s rescue because he knows that Gregor is the man that raped and killed his sister, and sees his chance for revenge.

In the Vale, Sansa finds pleasure in building Winter Fell with some snow. Robin Arryn (Lino Facioli) damages this and after he throws a tantrum she slaps him. Petyr sees this, and after calming her down he kisses her, and they don’t know that Lysa is watching. She has a fit of rage later and threatens to throw Sansa through the sky roof, and after Petyr saves Sansa he pushes Lysa through to her death.

The Wildlings reach Mole’s Town and murders everyone in sight. Gilly hides with baby Sam and is discovered by Ygritte, who leaves them alive and leads the Wildlings away. Sam is maddened by the realization that Gilly may not have lived, and blames himself. Jon needs to deal with the fact that he will most likely have to see Ygritte die, or die himself. Gilly reaches Castle Black and Sam is overjoyed, promising to never part ways with her again.

Ser Barristan receives a letter intended to Ser Jorah Mormont, a letter of pardon for giving information on Daenerys. He tells Jorah of his plans to inform Daenerys, and she sends him away, ignoring his pleas for forgiveness.

Sansa lies to the council in the Vale, confirming the lie Petyr told about Lysa’s “suicide”. Later, she tells him that he is someone she knows and doesn’t wish to be at the mercy of anyone she doesn’t know. Robbin is sent to learn some battle skills to honour his father’s legacy, and something strange seems to be developing between Sansa and Petyr. Arya is outside the gate of the Vale when they learn that Lysa is dead. She finds this hilarious and she and the Hound leave, where they meet Brienne and Podrick. Brienne battles Sandor, and he is defeated. Brienne is furious when they learn that Arya got away.

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“I am the brother of Elia Martell. And do you know why I’ve come all the way to this stinking shitpile of a city? For you. I am going to hear you confess before you die: You raped my sister. You murdered her. You killed her children. Say it now, and we can make this quick.”

Back at King’s landing, Oberyn is betrayed by his need for revenge when he defeats Clegane but takes too long to actually kill him. Oberyn dies, and Tyrion is sentenced to death. However, Tyrion realises that there are people who are loyal to him when Jaime and Lord Varys help him escape prison. Before sneaking away, Tyrion heads to his father’s room, where he finds Shae in Tywin’s bed. Tyrion, finally driven mad by betrayal, kills Tywin and Shae before leaving, hidden on a boat. When Varys realises that Tywin has been murdered, he climbs onto the ship as well.

Castle Black is now fully under siege. Ygritte dies moments before she reconciles with Jon Snow, and he is heartbroken. Grenn and five others die defending the tunnel against a mammoth. The wildlings retreat, but Jon knows that they will return and he alone heads into the woods to negotiate with Mance. Stannis Baratheon rocks up and Jon saves Mance’s life by revealing his lineage to Stannis and telling him that Mance saved his life, and that his father would have locked Mance up but not kill him. Jon takes Ygritte’s body beyond the Wall to honour Mance’s wish that she be laid to rest where she came from, and Jon burns her body to prevent her from turning into a White Walker, and at Castle Black they do the same with the bodies of their friends and their enemies.

After months of travelling, Bran arrives at the Heart Tree, where they meet a child of the forest. They are attacked by wights, and Jojen is killed. They all head into the tree where they meet the three eyed raven and a very old man that tells Bran that he will now be able to fulfil his destiny.

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Rating: 7.5/10

Season four was once again as entertaining as a show can possibly be. I am so happy I started with Game of Thrones this year, it is a fantastic story with so many layers and events and characters. There will always be moments that are dull and stretched or unnecessary, but GoT has always kept that to a minimum. I have learnt to not become overly attached to any character, because of the Russian roulette that is always being played with every Stark’s life has specifically become to heart wrenching to endure if you are too attached. #Ned #Robb. I am absolutely addicted to the GoT theme song and I get so cheered up when I hear it. It is epic and fitting and just grand as hell.

I have to say that I suspected one plot development and that was completely a first for me for this show. I wasn’t even overly worried at the siege of Castle Black. I was worried for Jon Snow’s life, because he is after all of Stark blood (OR the grand question I’ve been wondering since day one – IS HE?) and George Martin isn’t overly fond of them Starks. I’ve always been mildly irritated with Ygritte and her overly attached girlfriend manoeuvres, and Season four was a long journey of tolerance varying with severe irritation. I am glad Jon Snow finally got laid – he is too fine to waste away on the Wall without any nookie.

I enjoyed Oberyn Martell, his need for vengeance and his open disgust with the Lannisters. He is so undiscriminating against everyone EXCEPT the Lannisters. He has no problem with making known who and what he is and why he is at King’s Landing. I really admire how ballsy he is and that he just does not give a shit what anyone thinks about his sexual preferences, his lifestyle or his ideals.

So, let’s talk about the death that everyone was hoping would happen. Was it justice for the little prick? I personally think he should have been pecked to death by geese with rabies after enduring a week’s torture from Ramsay Snow, but you really can’t get everything you want in life. The eventual instigators in his death were surprising but not altogether strange because the more I thought about it the more it seemed likely. I was outraged at how Tyrion’s own family turned against him for something he clearly didn’t do; how Cersei’s blind hatred of him clouded her already shady judgement of truth and lies and how excited she became at the mere thought of Tyrion’s death.

I really like Ser Barristan and Podrick. Podrick is so sweet and genuinely loyal to Tyrion, and it broke me to see Tyrion send him away for his safety. I have liked Barristan from season one – he is such a warrior. I respected that he told Jorah first – it showed a decency few of the characters have. I felt so sorry for Jorah at the end because he made such a huge mistake and would pay for it forever. I get why Daenerys got so mad but still pitied him.

My only problem with the series is that the fighting on the Wall seemed very drawn out. I did enjoy it and how everything came to be, but it still felt like hours of watching. I LOVED that Gilly and Sam were in one place again – they are now my favourite couple. Sam is so adorably sweet and intelligent and he deserves happiness.

I am very agitated that I have to wait for Season 5. I am at the point where I might just start reading the books to not be bored, and as they are quite lengthy I hope that by the time I am at the latest one (whichever that is) the new series is out. Zoë mentioned that the books aren’t scholarly in this post and I will therefore try reading it as well.

Have you seen this? What did you think?

Layers of Lannisters – a Game of Thrones post

 

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I am totally obsessed with Game of Thrones and totally morose that I have completely caught up with it – while it is amazing that the internet cannot spoil anything for me about GoT right now, it is so depressing that there won’t be anything new for quite a while.

The idea for this post came to me while watching the last episode of Season 4. I was immediately entertained by myself and thought this would make such a fun post!

The Lannisters are unquestionably the worst family in Game of Thrones. They are corrupted with greed, incest and the need for power. They all, save maybe one, have a fatal flaw.

The Layers of Lannisters can be best described as a burnt cake.

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Layers of burnt cake:

The bottom of the cake, completely burnt and disgusting, stuck to the baking tray.

The hard shell

The rotten core

The Icing

The cherry on the cake

The candidates and their placings

 

  1. Joffrey Baratheon/Lannister is without a doubt the worst creation to have sprung from the Lannisters. It might be something to do with the fact that he is the incestuous creation of Jamie and Cersei, but I actually disagree with this notion. Tommen and Marcella are also born of that charming relationship, but they seem to be kind and sweet, completely unlike their horrific older brother. As the bottom of the cake, he just brings the whole business down. You have to scrub extra hard to remove that last layer from the baking tray you used, and sometimes you have to use some toxic materials to get the job done (hint hint wink wink)
  2. Tywin Lannister as the Hard Shell. You have to crack that shell pretty damn hard to get to the problem underneath. I actually admire Tywin Lannister and although I don’t agree with his methods, he is never conniving and underhanded and working on ulterior motives. He is what he is and if you don’t like it, sorry for you. Protecting his family name and ensuring his legacy continues is what this guy lives for, and you can’t fault that. I do question his very dodgy parenting techniques though.
  3. Cercei and Jamie Lannister. All the drama connected to the Lannisters can be pointed back at them. Or mostly. Joffrey, the biggest fuckhead ever, is the world’s best example as to why brothers and sisters aren’t meant to procreate. Both these characters have a few redeeming qualities. Okay, Cercei has one – she loves her children to madness. I do think she is ACTUALLY mad. I mean, banging your brother is just not something I can sympathise with. Now, I have to say that Jamie Lannister has a lot of good qualities. He has his bad side – sister banging and all, but he has the oddest moments of courage and kindness. Saving Brienne finally endeared him to me, but I am still peeved that he attacked Ned because lover/sister said so. But Jamie has layers, good and bad, and I really love him and every contradiction he offers.
  4. Tommen and Marcella Lannister. The pretty icing on the cake belongs to these two. They are redeemable and seem genuinely sweet, and can save the appearance of the dodgy tribe of Lannister. Marcella was removed from the scene before she could be properly portrayed, but the two younger inbreeds look like they at least have some decent qualities. It is clearly obvious that Tommen has none of the qualities his brother has and is perhaps the only chance the new generation of Lannisters have of ever being something respectable.
  5. Tyrion Lannister is definitely the cherry on the cake. He is the best of the Lannisters. He is one of my favourite characters ever. He is book smart and has a kindness in him very few of his family members share. I get so outraged with all the injustice that gets thrown to his side. He has a sarcastic, insightful nature, and his plans are always thought out. I have said if he dies I will NOT watch this show anymore.

Series Review: Game of Thrones Season 3

GoT

The Lannister’s win of Battle of Blackwater Bay secured their reign in King’s Landing and Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) has taken over as Hand of the King. His son Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) does not take his demotion well after risking his life and nearly dying his sister’s orders. Tyrion is still secretly seeing the former prostitute Shae, who is now Sansa Stark’s handmaiden. Cersei (Lena Headley) is still fretting over her lover/brother, Jamie (Nikolaj Waldau-Coster), who was taken captive by Robb Stark. Unknown to Cersei, Jaime is on his way back, escorted by by Brienne of Tarth (Gwendolyn Christie), the female soldier under orders from Catelyn Stark (Michelle Fairley).

Catelyn is still being treated as a prisoner by her son Robb Stark. Robb (Richard Madden) is furious with his mother for releasing Jamie behind his back which angered his men. He also has to deal with the anger of Lord Walder Frey (David Bradley), who is very peeved that Robb married Talisa (Oona Chaplin), and not one of Frey’s daughters as promised. Robb and Catelyn begin to repair their relationship when they hear that Bran and Rickon, the two youngest Starks were most likely killed by their former friend Theon Greyjoy.

Bran and Rickon are very much alive and are travelling to the Wall to find their half brother Jon Snow (Kit Harrington). They are accompanied by the giant Hodor (Kristian Nairn) and Osha (Natalia Tena). They meet the Reed siblings, Jojen and Meera, and Jojen particularly interests Bran because he has dreamt of the strange boy. Jojen (Thomas Reed) is able to tell name Bran’s seemingly magical abilities: he is a Warg, someone who can see into the future. Jojen begs him to heed to listen to what he sees while he sleeps.

Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) is still on her way to Winterfell with Gendry (Joe Dempsie) and Hot Pie (Ben Hawkey). They find themselves encircled by The Brotherhood without Banners, and meet Sandor Clegane. Sandor seems like a decent man and offers to set them free, but when his men arrive with the Hound (Rory McCann), taken captive after fleeing King’s Landing, and the Hound identifies Arya as a Stark, Clegane’s plans change. They are all taken to the secret cave where the Brotherhood hides out, and the Hound is sentenced to trial by combat. He wins the fight, and his slain opponent is brought back to life by the Brotherhood’s leader, Beric Dondarrion (Richard Dormer), who is also a follower of Melisandre’s god. Gendry tells Arya that he plans to join the Brotherhood, but his plans are destroyed when Melisandre shows up and takes him away.

Melisandre (Carice van Houten) takes Gendry to Dragonstone where Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane)is licking his wounds following his mortifying defeat. Sir Davos Seaworth (Liam Cunningham) shows up after nearly dying but he is thrown in a cell for speaking against Melisandre’s madness.

After Jon Snow’s capture by the Wildlings, he is taken to the King behind the Wall, Mance Rayder (Ciaran Hinds). Mance takes a liking to Jon, but warns him that he will be killed if he betrays the people behind the Wall. Jon gets further entangled by sleeping with Ygritte (Rose Leslie), breaking a vow of the Night’s Watch.

beyond the wall

After the attack of the White Walkers, the Night’s Watch is in bad shape. They are once again taking refuge in Craster’s keep, but he is as horrible as ever, and the men are soon angered. Samwell Tarly meets Gillie again, the girl who begged him to help her save her young son’s life when the Men were there previously. The unnamed boy is nearly old enough to be offered as sacrifice to the White Walkers, and Gillie is very worried. Lord Commander Mormont dies when some of the Night’s Men rebel and Sam flee with Gillie and the baby, who is later also named Sam.

In Astapor, DaenerysTargaryen (Emilia Clarke) is continuing her quest to reclaim the Seven Kingdoms. Barristan Selmy (Ian McElhinney), the former King’s Guard who was thrown aside by Joffrey Baratheon saves her life and offers her his service, and she accepts. Jorah Mormont (Ian Glen) is also still around to advise her, and the two men flank her side as she frees slaves in every city she enters, offering them the choice to either follow her or be finally free, and also killing their old, cruel masters in retaliation of years of injustice and torture. Daenerys finally gets a massive army when she buys the Unsullied from their barbaric master and Missandei, the translator of the treaty, gets to join Daenerys in her quest and leave behind her life.

Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) is still in King’s Landing. Through a little bit of good luck she was freed of marriage to Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) when Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer) became the King’s new fiancé. Margaery is infinitely more capable of handling the King’s madness and through some clever games of her own, she manages to endear Joffrey to the citizens of King’s Landing, but Cersei still deeply despises and mistrusts her. Sansa finds a friend she desperately needs in Margaery, and when Margaery and her grandmother Olenna ask if Joffrey is a good person, she overcomes her fears and tells them how horrible he really is.

Brienne and Jamie are waylaid by Bolton arms men, and Jamie loses a hand. Without his sword hand, Jamie is lost and desolate, but Brienne manages to keep him motivated. Jamie tells Bolton that Brienne has a superbly rich father, ensuring that she doesn’t get raped. He goes through a whole lot of things to try and keep her safe, showing that he has redemption in him. When Roose Bolton sends Jaime back to King’s Landing, Jaime returns and saves Brienne, establishing their unlikely friendship.

brienne and bear

The death of Catelyn’s father brings some reconciliation between Robb and Catelyn. He agrees to attend his grandfather’s funeral in Riverrun, much to the anger of Lord Karstark, who still justifiably wants vengeance on Jamie Lannister for killing both his sons.

Petyr Littlefinger (Aiden Gillen) shares the Tyrell’s hopes to marry Sansa to Loras Tyrell. Tywin is furious and intercepts, and convinces Olenna to let Loras marry Cersei instead, and this new development is not taken well at all by the Queen Regent. As reward, Petyr is sent to win the affections of Lady Lysa Arryn, the Lady of the Vale. Tywin Lannister promotes Tyrion to Master of Coin, and while he is happy with new responsibilities he is overwhelmed by the magnitude of the job and his inexperience in it. Sansa becomes betrothed to Tyrion, and no one is happy about the new developments.

Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) is still being held captive and tortured. He is hopeful when a mysterious young man helps him escapes, telling him that his sister is trying to save him. His escape is futile – his saviour is actually not a saviour at all, and only sets Theon free for the sport of catching him again. Theon is castrated by his torturer.

Lord Karstark kills two young Lannisters as retribution and Robb is forced to execute him. As Karstark’s men leave Robb, he is forced to try and make amends with Walder Frey. As a peace offering, Robb’s uncle Edmure is now to marry Robb’s previous fiancé, Roslin. The wedding seems to go well, and even Frey seems like he has made peace about it.

Sam is still trying to get Gilly and her young son to safety after the massacre at Craster’s Keep. They are attacked by a White Walker, but they are saved when Sam uses the dragon glass he found on the mountains on it. Jon and Ygritte are still close and they discuss their relationship. Jojen tells Bran that they must find the three eyed raven, but Osha is still adamant that she will not travel beyond the Wall. Eventually they reach a compromise – Osha will take Rickon to Jon Snow while Bran stays with Jojen and his sister.

Arya Stark escapes the Brotherhood’s captivity, but is once again captured, this time by the Hound. She struggles with her hatred of him while he tries to get her to Robb Stark to claim some money.

Sansa is still horrified by her upcoming nuptials. Shae tells Tyrion that their relationship will end with his marriage to Sansa. Margaery, who has become a great source of comfort to Sansa, assures her that she is lucky to receive Tyrion as a husband. Neither Tyrion nor Sansa enjoy their wedding much, but eventually some form of a rapport does develop.

Gendry arrives at Dragonstone with Melisandre. Stannis has an inkling his favourite witch is up to no good and he releases Davos to stop her, but not harm her. They are just in time to stop Melisandre from sacrificing Gendry for his Baratheon blood, and he is thrown into a cell.

Daenerys arrives at the Yunkai and learn that the Second Sons, a mercenary company, are employed there. She meets the lieutenants of the company, all but one are very rude. Daario Naharis kills his fellow leaders and offers his company to Daenerys. Her army soon takes over Yunkai and Daenerys once again gives the slaves in the city the option to be free or follow her.

dany and slaves

Bran and Jon are eventually a few feet apart but Jojen convinces Bran to not let Jon know they are there because it means they will never find the three eyed raven. Bran saves Jon’s life after Jon refuses to kill an innocent man. Jon escapes and Ygritte is furious that he left her behind.

Yara Greyjoy decides to save her brother, but Theon is not himself anymore and eventually she gives up hope. Sam and Gilly finally reach Castle Black and Gilly is allowed to stay and care for the men. When Ygritte sees Jon again she shoots him, and he arrives injured at Castle Black. With Jon and Sam back, Westeros can finally be alerted of the existence of the White Walkers. The news reaches Stannis Baratheon first, and Melisandre says that fighting the Walkers is their most important task.

Rating: 7.5/10

I went in with high hopes for season three, bolstered by the excellence of season one and two. High hopes are often dashed, and mine were just a bit damaged by the slow pace of season three. The story was as good as always, but the characters constantly seemed to be waiting for something to happen.

The last three episodes of the season completely exploded. I left out the big plot twist to spare anyone who hasn’t seen Season three yet. Let me just say I was gobsmacked and screaming and even angrier than when Ned Stark got executed back in Season One. Hint: I HATE MR. FILCH SO MUCH.

Daenerys once again just keeps on climbing the awesome ladder. She occasionally frustrated me in season two, but I thoroughly enjoyed her uncompromising attitude in Season Three. I really liked the inclusion of Daario Naharis. The actor that played him had something, not in looks but in attitude that just smacked of Khal Drogo. The girl has fine taste in men!

I used to be a sympathiser with Stannis, but not anymore. For the first two seasons I thought he was just a man being bamboozled by Melisandre, but he finally showed the full extent of his douchery by his treatment of his scarred daughter. His wife is a thorough nut, and I DO sympathise with him for being married to her.

The girl power in GoT rocks so much. My favourite ass kicking ladies are naturally Daenerys and then Margaery Tyrell, who impressed me so much. I thought she was mad for willingly becoming betrothed to Joffrey, but after a while I could see that she would perhaps be the only person on the planet that could control the @#$%. She furthered endeared herself to me by being so nice to Sansa, who REALLY needed a friend. I also like Arya Stark. That little girl is such a Stark and she just won’t give up and I respect her so much for it.

Some relationships were so sweet and some so annoying. I absolutely adored the love between Talisa and Robb Stark, and the whole Gillie and Sam thing. Shae and Tyrion had something going that was sweet, but eventually I didn’t like Shae’s attitude at all. I did not like Ygritte’s terrifying obsession with Jon Snow. Seriously, I get the addiction to Kit Harrington completely, but wow that was a bit overly attached girlfriend there!

Have you seen the third season? What did you think?