Movie Review: John Wick (2014)

John Wick poster

Plot: An ex-hitman comes out of retirement to track down the gangsters that took everything from him

Rating: 8/10

I’ve been on such a Keanu Reeves roll lately (Zoë and I were having way too much cheesy fun on my visit to her! :D) He’s not a bad actor but unfortunately he has things like 47 Ronin under his belt, which might just be the worst movie I have ever had the misfortune to meet (a lofty praise). John Wick is in the attributes column for Reeves. It is way too much fun and never stops with the cheese. That is a good thing, because the cast is rolling with it and never tries to pass it off as a serious mob movie. I was so furious when that incredibly cute dog was killed by Theon fucking Greyjoy, reminding me why I don’t even feel sympathy for Reek. I wanted to climb through the screen and get my revenge for Robb Stark and for tiny little Daisy – I mean, let’s face it: The only rule in movies that should never be crossed is the one where you DON’T KILL THE DOG. EVER. I was not even surprised that he reacted the way he did – the only thing that made the loss of his life more bearable was that puppy and when he lost it too, he lost his shit – unfortunately for the punks who committed the heinous crime, John Wick was versed in the art of kicking ass and didn’t need just angrily yell into space like the rest of us would have to do. John Wick had such a reputation and I thoroughly enjoyed the respect everyone threw his way and the way they deferred to him and refused to get into a fight. The action scenes were wonderfully choreographed and looked well – big ups to the constant reloading of guns – it drives me insane in other action bullets where they get eighteen shots out of a 6 bullet gun. The movie also looks really good – the way they implement colour into scenes and the beautiful camera work – sheesh, it looked great. I also have to reiterate my point that if men in this world had any inclination how women reacted to good suits they would wear them all the time. (thanks, Keanu). John Wick is such a great amount of fun and shouldn’t be taken too seriously because storywise it isn’t as intricate as people would want. However, it looks really good and if you are the type of person who appreciates the fact that a man went on a mission to avenge his dog, you are going to love this.


Movie Review: Constantine (2005)

Constantine poster

Plot: Constantine tells the story of irreverent supernatural detective John Constantine, who has literally been to hell and back.

Rating: 6.5/10

I had so much fun with this movie. It isn’t the best of films and has no surprising plot twists, but it is good cheesy fun. I agree with my bestie that when Keanu Reeves is cast well, it is usually a great performance. I really enjoyed the relationship between Angela (Rachel Weiz’s ) and John (Reeves). They were so bitchy towards each other and he was acting as such a toolbag. Their chemistry was good and John was such a damn tease in the end. I loved how Angela would not believe his story for a second and then only took him seriously after being surrounded by demons she would stopped and listened to him. Weiz really is a good actress and I enjoyed her in here – can someone tell me if she reminds them as well of Kate Winslet? Shia LaBeouf is so much more palatable in from the years before he became a big name and an attention seeking brat. I like him so much in here. I do think that his role could have been more developed – he is this sweet little apprentice that could have been much more implemented into the movie.

Constantine 3

I thoroughly enjoyed John Constantine. He has a fuck all attitude that everyone can appreciate, his love for long cloaks and suits were really appealing, his attitude towards life and his resignation at his fate was entertaining and how he redeems his character was actually touching. Keanu Reeves is awesome – he always comes across as slightly cheesy but he seems to have fun in everything so I can’t help but like the man.

Me, Monday morning
Me, Monday morning

Tilda Swinton has given me nightmares since the time I saw her in Snowpiercer. The woman has the weirdest looks I have ever encountered. I am still a bit afraid of her, and even though I didn’t find her character any more enjoyable in Constantine, I found her much less frightening and a great asset to the film. Pruitt Taylor Vince, my beloved La Roche from the Mentalist, is also in here and I just love the man and everything he works on.

Smoking hot
Smoking hot

The movie has an incredible amount of cheesiness, but hey, it has a huge fun element and works well. The movie is just a lot of fun that should be enjoyed as a not too serious take on Constantine.

Movie Review: 47 Ronin (2013)


Plot: A band of samurai set out to avenge the death and dishonor of their master at the hands of a ruthless shogun. (IMDb)

Rating: 4.7/10

What the hell? I was expecting okay, maybe mediocre, but good heavens, this was bad. Japanese women have no acting chops (neither do the men). The two leading ladies did not impress and I couldn’t connect to them, not to the good little princess or the bad witch. The only thing bad about the witch was her acting, I was really unimpressed.

47 Ronin

Keanu Reeves has good movies and then he has movies like this. I wanted firstly to slap his character so that Kai could start standing up for himself, and secondly I wanted to slap Reeves because I know that he has better things up his sleeve than this. The best thing about this was his beard, and that is all.

47 Ronin is based on the actual 47 Ronin men who died to avenge their lord and it could have been such an impressive and gripping story. The story disintegrates before it takes off, the characters are mean to each other and then miraculously band together to fight, the antagonist’s main crime is smirking at the camera, and to top it all off I couldn’t help but wonder why ancient Japanese spoke English. Even after a lengthy discussion with my sister on this I still felt that they could have spoken a bit of Jap, even though we wouldn’t have understood a word about it.

The trailer looked good but that is because they put all the best moments of the film into it, and nothing else was left to carry it through.


Isn’t it sad that this cool makeup was wasted on like 5.3 seconds of showtime?

Basically, I hated it, and I am so happy that I didn’t go to the cinema to watch it. I’m very sure I can shoot a better movie on my phone’s camera at this point.

Recommendation: DON’T