Movie Review: The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies (2014)

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Plot: Bilbo and Company are forced to engage in a war against an array of combatants and keep the terrifying Smaug from acquiring a kingdom of treasure and obliterating all of Middle-Earth. (IMDb)

Acting:7.5/10

Graphics:6/10

Sound track:5/10

Costumes: 8/10

Scenery:9/10

Pacing: 3/10

Time run vs. Time needed: 144 minutes vs. 120 minutes6/10

Stance within genre: 5/10

Book adaption: 5/10

Likeability: 5.5/10

=60/100 = 6/10

What I liked:

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Thorin’s decent into madness and his redemption. These were some of the only scenes that felt true and authentic, it was part of the actual literature and Richard Armitage’s portrayal was something I continued to enjoy.

Luke Evans as Bard: The village people couldn’t act if something slapped them in the face, but Evans impressed me as the no-nonsense leader the Lake town needed.

Ken Stott as Balinwas so dignified. I actually enjoyed all the dwarves, but just as a note, dwarves should NOT be so attractive. (hem hem, Fili, Kili, Thorin)

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Azog the Defiler and all his merry Orcs: I can’t remember if he is in the book, but he worked in the movie really well. He was scary and gross and the end of him was actually one of the scenes I thought worked well.

Erebor: SO majestic and beautiful.

The legions of Orc armies – It will always give me goosebumps.

Bless Viggo Mortensen with twenty children for refusing to take part in the Hobbit (hem, hem Orlando Bloom). I knew they would sneak in a mention of Aragorn somewhere, but at least he stayed out of the show like it is supposed to be.

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Ian McKellan as Gandalf, Kate Blanchett as Galadriel, Hugo Weaving as Elrond all stayed excellent casting.

What I didn’t like:

The Graphics: It was jumpy and all over the place. I could not believe that this was a large budget film by the quality of the material – it was obvious that it was fake. It did improve about half way through

Dain: Talk about a character that looks like something from a fairy tale and not real.

The End: Bilbo’s return to the Shire gets at least 15 minutes of unwanted screen time, but you get no peek what happened to Bard, Thranduil, Tauriel and the Dwarves. Furthermore: Bilbo’s return and him finding his stuff being auctioned off? NOT happy with it, it defies everything about Hobbits and their nature.

The music score: One of the main reasons Lord of The Rings was so successful was thanks to the epic music score in the movies. It moved you, helped run the plot and carried every scene through. The music in the Battle of Five Armies was jumpy and didn’t really help the scenes at all.

Bulky Legolas: I mean 1) what is he doing in the Hobbit, 2) he looks so heavy he could break branches of trees and elves should be tall and slender by definition.

All dat love: I’ve harped on this for ages but WHY DID PETER JACKSON THINK A LOVE STORY WOULD BE APPROPRIATE BETWEEN AN ELF AND A DWARF???

Extended fighting scenes: Meh, not really necessary.

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Lee Pace is a drag queen: Thranduil did not impress me at all. He was too emotionless and callous and his nasal pronunciation of everything irritated me senseless.

Overall impression: Despite the large budget, the Battle of Five Armies is haphazardly composed. Mostly fan fiction and unimpressive. Peter Jackson needs to step back from the Tolkien material now and leave sacred things sacred.

Movie Review: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

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The Desolation of Smaug starts at the Prancing Pony, in Bree, where Gandalf (Ian McKellan) finds Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage) and tells him about the Arkenstone, the secret passage into the mountain, and that it is Thorin’s duty to reunite the Dwarves. Gandalf suggest that a stealthy burglar might be the best way to steal the Arkenstone back from the dragon Smaug.

Fast-forwarding a year later, Thorin and his company are still being hunted by Azog and his misfits. The Hobbit Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman), now the company’s contracted burglar, tells them that they are also being followed by a giant black bear. Gandalf rushes them to the house of skin-changer Beorn (Mikael Persbrand), who changes into the black bear when he wills. Beorn isn’t an overly friendly fellow and he isn’t fond of dwarves, but his hatred for Orcs eventually makes him lend horses to the company. The company heads towards Mirkwood, a forest over which a strange and unknown curse lies. Gandalf leaves them there, insisting that he has urgent matters to take care of.

Azog is meanwhile summoned to Dol Guldur, an ancient evil stronghold, and is promoted to lead the armies against Middle-Earth. Azog instructs his son Bolg to start hunting Thorin whilst he is busy with his new job. Gandalf arrives at Dol Guldur, and is taken captive by Azog and the Necromancer reveals himself, who is actually the Dark Lord Sauron.

In the forest of Mirkwood the Dwarves and Hobbit quickly stumbles off the path and gets lost. They are caught by giant spiders, but Bilbo saves them once again. The Elves arrives and takes the Dwarves captive to their King Thranduil (Lee Pace), and after Thorin gives him lip they are imprisoned. A strange relationship starts between dwarf Kili (Aidan Turner) and the Elf Tauriel (Evangeline Lily) Bilbo, who sneaked in unseen thanks to his Ring, once again saves the dwarves by getting them out of prison and escaping by hiding in barrels that are washing downstream. The elves are alerted of their escape, but they are all attacked by Orcs and Kili is shot in the leg by a black arrow, poisoned by Mordor. When Tauriel hears that Kili is set to die a horrible death because of it, she sets out after the party to save him, and is followed by her friend Legolas (Orlando Bloom)

While washing downstream, the party meets Bard the Bowman (Luke Evans). He smuggles them into the Lake-town where the descendants of Dale lives. Thorin promises the Master of the Lake-town a share of the gold under the Mountain, and the party is treated like heroes. Thorin decides to leave the desperately sick Kili behind, although it is also his greatest dream to see the ancient Dwarf realm. Fili, Oin and Bofur choose to stay with him and try to help him. The town is soon filled with Orcs, but Tauriel and Legolas hunts them and they flee. Tauriel saves Kili by healing him with the weed Athelas.

Thorin and his remaining party reach the Lonely Mountain, where Bilbo discovers the secret passage. He heads in to steal the Arkenstone, and awakens Smaug (voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch). When they hear the dragon’s awakening, Bard attempts to bring the black arrow, the only weapon that can kill a dragon, to the town’s launcher, but he is arrested. He leaves the arrow with his son to hide. Back in the mountain, Bilbo and the dwarves trick the dragon into reigniting the forges, and they attempt to kill him by drowning him in molten gold. Smaug re-emerges, furious, and heads to the Lake-town to hunt the people that helped the Dwarves. Bilbo watches in horror as Smaug leaves the Mountain to the village, knowing that he helped unleash the horrors that await the Town.

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Rating: 6/10

What I liked:

The scenery. I have always thought the entire franchise did a fantastic job capturing the beauty of Middle-Earth.

Ian McKellen as Gandalf. He is probably the greatest casting choice in the movies. I think he does a superb job as catching the kind hearted but powerful wizard who was so responsible for saving Middle Earth.

The Dragon is really cool.

Thorin: He is played well by Richard Armitage (except for my favorite Hobbit peeve that the dwarves are too attractive), and his descent into greed and madness is shown here in a few scenes where the movie goer starts to see that the quest is changing him.

Azog: While not a central character in the book per se; he is terrifying in the movie.

Mirkwood, and the clarity of how different the Elves there are to their kin in Rivendell.

The splendor and riches of Erebor.

What I didn’t like

The appendices were written in. Most of the extra shizz in the movie is authentic Tolkien – from the back of the extended Lord of the Rings books set I have at home. The necessity of including Gandalf’s imprisonment in Dol Guldur is questionable, as is the plenty of screen time given to Radagast and Galadriel. The Hobbit is essentially about Bilbo Baggins and his adventure with the dwarves. A book as thin as the Hobbit needed at the most two movies – now with three it is stretched out.

Legolas: First, he is too butch to be an elf. What happened to the light and fast guy from LOTR? He seems like he will break the tree’s branches. Secondly, he has this huge story in this movie (and I can be wrong) but he isn’t even in the book.

Love story: I love a good love story, but Tolkien’s world is exciting enough to be portrayed without additional relationships between elves and dwarves.

Conclusion:

Although not worth going to the movies for, there are some great scenes and fantastic fights. The Desolation of Smaug is not on the level of The Lord of the Rings, but if you ignore the dire deviations from the novel, it is watchable.