Best Films of 2015: 11-20

best of 2015

  1. Fifty Shades of Grey

Original rating: 6/10

Does it still hold? It might eventually fall to a 5.5

You are all right now: fuck this, not reading this shit. It gets better. Let’s focus on that this film, while being terrible, was not as bad as it could have been.

What I liked: Dakota Johnson did her best and she’s the best part of the film. The score was also really well done and is the only other saving grace in the film.

What I didn’t like: The line is LONG here. Jamie Dornan has no charisma on screen, he looked so freaked out to touch Johnson and he was frigid. Then the directing didn’t help things along either, sack that director. You can go read the list of complaints by clicking on the link above though, because I can’t remember everything that annoyed me, but I will mention that movie remains a movie about the glorification of abuse.

 San Andreash

  1. San Andreas

Original rating: 6/10

Does it still hold? It might eventually edge up to a 6.5

What I liked:

Dwayne Johnson and his type cast roles work well because Dwayne Johnson is excellently type casted. He is so big and brawny but with a nice guy attitude that he works exceptionally well as a hero. A really big one.

AllesandraDaddario. I really enjoyed her in here and she was such a strong female character.

What I didn’t like:

It is exactly the same as every other action movie out there. A bit of variation would have made this movie really cool, but it was written in the same formulaic tone that always works, but rarely excites.

 Paper-Towns-Quad-Poster

  1. Paper Towns

Original rating: 6.5/10

Does it still hold? No. Thinking back I enjoyed this less than number 20, so eventually it might drop to a 6.

What I liked: Not too much. Mostly just Cara with-the-difficult-surname’s eyebrows.

What I didn’t like: I’m just too old for these kid movies. Over it. That and Margot Roth Spielman was a terrible character.

 Cinderella carriage

  1. Cinderella

Original rating: 6.5/10

Does it still hold? Yeah

What I liked: My beautiful Robb Stark as Prince Charming. Gosh. Although extremely under-utilized, I also really enjoyed Cate Blanchett as the stepmom. Helena Bonham Carter is always a treat on screen and she didn’t disappoint either.

What I didn’t like: Disney did not change one single thing. It is truly the live version of the animation, and yet if they took another angle I would likely have loved it way more.

 Magic mike xxl

  1. Magic Mike XXL

Original rating: 6.5/10

Does it still hold? Yeah

What I liked: These guys obviously worked much harder at being more original and it came across. The embarrassment threshold a person should possess to sit through this is still very high, but it was quite entertaining.

What I didn’t like: Not much really. The acting was terrible but it certainly wasn’t a prerequisite to the success of the film.

LONGEST-RIDE-QUAD

  1. The Longest Ride

Original rating: 6.5/10

Does it still hold? Eh. Not sure.

What I liked: Brit Robertson, Scott Eastwood, YAY. I liked both characters.

What I didn’t like: The story didn’t mesh very well, was badly told and was boring in a few places. Nicholas Sparks needs to stop making movies for the sake of getting his books made into movies.

 Me earl and the dying girl POSTER

  1. Me, Earl and the Dying Girl

Original Rating: 7.5/10

Does it still hold? It might fall to 7 in the future.

What I liked: The fact that it was about friendship not romance. Since I lost someone to cancer I don’t find movies about cancer interesting at all, I find them distasteful because they are so unrealistic. Yet this movie wasn’t as offensive and managed to be sweet. It has a very indie vibe to it and that worked great as well.

What I didn’t like: It felt a bit long. That’s mostly all that I recall in hindsight.

 The Mockingjay Poster

  1. Mockingjay Part II

Original rating: 7.5/10

Does it still hold? Eh. Not sure. It was good though.

What I liked: the slightly altered ending made Katniss seem like a much nicer person, the fact that they kept to all those deaths that occur in the book because some of them were hard to include and the feeling of how everything in Panem is at an end – the film had a great somber tone going for it.

What I didn’t like: The film loses track with some of the characters. I’ll even suggest that they should have included some extra dialogue to take you to where Gale ended up. It is a big mistake in the book and shouldn’t have been taken into the film.

 pitch-perfect-2

  1. Pitch Perfect 2

Original rating: 7.5/10

Does it still hold? Yeah. My favorite comedy of the year.

What I liked: The fact that there is a franchise out there that celebrates female friendships and team work as well as being about something that doesn’t have a penis. The hilarity of Fat Amy and her antics, the ridiculousness of the acapella wars and everything that accompanies it just makes the franchise great.

What I didn’t like: Really not much to complain about here. It worked really well and falls technically into my top ten for the year with that rating.

 Age of Adaline

  1. Age of Adaline

Original rating: 7.5/10

Does it still hold? Maybe an 8

What I liked: It was a genuinely good film and Blake Lively shone. I truly enjoyed her and she was perfectly cast. Michiel Huisman is drop dead gorgeous yummy, and he suited that role of a lover perfectly. The film isn’t for everyone, but it was a great experience for me.

What I didn’t like? I really liked this movie, so there isn’t anything to bitch about right now.

Tune in tomorrow for the top ten!

Movie Review: San Andreas (2015)

SANANDREAS

Plot: In the aftermath of a massive earthquake in California, a rescue-chopper pilot makes a dangerous journey with his ex-wife across the state in order to rescue his daughter.

Rating: 6/10

san-andreas_0

General things in Disaster Movies:

The big, strong hero with a sad, sad past:

Check. Dwayne Johnson is Ray, ex-military (major points for that) and also lost a daughter in a drowning incident for which he blames himself – sympathy vote! – He also has incredible muscles and a killer smile, as well as a fuck all attitude except when it comes to his family.

Regardless of his acting abilities, I always enjoy Dwayne Johnson. The Rock knows his target audience and he always ends up delivering. I also find his beautifully straight teeth beautiful, and it is so obvious that he is having the best time when he is on screen it is hard to begrudge him his work.

The Silly Wife Who Dared To Want a Fulfilling Relationship and Now Wants to Leave:

Stupid woman. Why does she dare to want to move on when her husband basically ignored her since their daughter’s death? Pfft.

Carla Gugino, starring as Emma, said SWWDTWFRNWL, did a decent enough job, but it felt that she was only there to act frail to The Rock’s strong leadership. Also – gasp – she was running in heels the entire time – DID THEY NOT LEARN FROM JURASSIC WORLD?!

San Andreash
act like she’s your daughter, act like she’s your daughter!

Beautiful Daughter who Needs Saving

Alexandra Daddario played Blake, and I actually enjoyed the role the most of the entire movie. She saved the day, the two guys that tagged along knew she had the knowledge and afforded her the authority, and even acknowledged at the end that they would be deader than dead without her.

International scope and Kidlet

Colton Haynes plays young professional Joby, who immediately falls in love with Blake’s sunny nature and amazing blue eyes. He is British, acknowledging Ally ties and all that.

Required kid is played by Art Parkinsin, Joby’s little brother Ollie, and although annoying AF he is as tolerable as he can possibly be.

Alexi, played by Alex Utgoff, is included to show Putin that we can all work together if we want to.

The Smart Professor and Hardworking News Anchor

Check and Check. Paul Giammati is the Professor of something in here and Archie Panjabi is the News Anchor that needs to get the news out. Both did well enough, but I think this is where the story went flat.

San fran

Preposterous Storyline

It is based on actual fact but the whole San Andreas fault line causing such spectacular damage right now is sillier than people who don’t like Harry Potter. It was really smart to localize the disaster to one area rather than the entire planet, and having the San Fransisco Bridge collapse is always a nice touch. The CGI was a bit pathetic, but as that was to be expected, no harm was done. San Andreas has very little humor, not much in the way of real plot development and the biggest failure to me was the university scenes – it felt displaced in the movie. If you look at this movie as a piece of fluff and don’t take San Andreas up too seriously you will end up enjoying it as a cheesy fest full of bulging muscles. Not a bad thing, come to think of it!

PS: Captain Hindsight thinks that this movie has a lot of things in common with both Taken and Lucy. Any comments on that?