Movies 2016: Worst to Best

The year 2016 will be known for a number of things – an inordinate amount of celebrity deaths and an equally inordinate amount of lackluster movies. Are these two correlated? I’m not convinced its’ not. Anyway, here is my list of movies I watched this year that was released in 2016. It’s not been a good one.

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Number 19: Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice 6/10

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Number 18: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them 6/10

Number 17: Before You 6/10

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Number 16: The Choice 6.5/10

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Number 15: How to be single 6.5/10

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Number 14: The 5th Wave 7/10

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Number 13: SUICIDE SQUAD 7/10

Number 12: Rogue One: 7/10

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Number 11: The Huntsman: Winter’s War 7/10

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Number 10: Legend of Tarzan 7.5/10

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Number 9: Finding Dory 7.5/10

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Number 8: Captain America: Civil War: 7.5/10

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Number 7: Zootopia 8/10

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Number 6: The Jungle Book 8/10

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Number 5: 10 Cloverfield lane 8/10

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Number 4: Dr. Strange 8/10

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Number 3: Deadpool (8/10)

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Number 2: Bridget Jones’ Baby: 8.5/10

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Number 1: Pride and Prejudice vs. Zombies 8.5/10

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Movie Review: The Choice (2016)

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Plot: Travis and Gabby first meet as neighbors in a small coastal town and wind up in a relationship that is tested by life’s most defining event

Rating: 6.5/10

What I liked:

There is actual chemistry between the two main characters. Teresa Palmer and Benjamin Parker actually looked like they would actually go for each other, not some randoms who were stuck on screen together because they are both good looking. I liked Teresa’s independence and attitude, but honestly, some of the fights they had was quite demented. I also liked seeing Tom Welling again (seriously, this guy basically disappeared after Smallville). Why isn’t he in his Superman suit? That said, he does looks pretty good in the doctor ensemble. Yummy

I really liked Travis with his sunglasses on. It was delicious. As for the character, it really was one of those empty shell ones but it wouldn’t have been a more complex character if we begged for it – this is Nicholas Sparks after all.

The story improves over the course of the movie. It starts off with a voice over and some unconvincing acting, and eventually becomes a moderately engrossing film. It is most definitely better than the awful Best of Me, where the characters had no chemistry and the acting sucked.

What I didn’t like:

Cheating is taken very lightly in this film. Like, super lightly.

Lots of romantic slush running around here – you can spot every single bit of drama that is going to unfold. It was a bit high and the director was obviously desperately chopping onions so that we could all cry.

So this guy is saying that he’s a Southern boy that she toyed with and now she’s marrying a doctor – this Southern boy is a vetenarian, so let’s not start with your passive aggressive attitude boy.

The Choice is obviously again one of those films that aren’t really offensive and is a bit forgettable, but mostly okay. It has some obviously designed moves to make people weep, but it isn’t criminal and the acting isn’t that bad.

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Watched, Read, Loved: October 2016

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October was by far the slowest month in my year in entertainment. I’m really hopeful that this is the last semester where I will ever have to write a BSc Theoretical exam, so I’ve spent every moment that I wasn’t at work in front of a book. I really hope it will pay off – my heart won’t be able to handle the trauma of failing a subject. So it has been quiet on the entertainment front and even the blog front, but I’ve managed to include see and read some things here and there though, so here is a quick rundown J

Watched:

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Bourne Supremacy

I really hope I wrote a proper review on this, because I can barely recall the film now. I know it was fast paced and good and very Bourne, and I guess that is what counts.

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10 Cloverfield Lane

I LOVED this. The review should be up some time this week, and I am totally with the crowd on this one. It was a phenomenal performance from all three main characters, and they were able to create maddening suspense throughout.

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New Year’s Eve (2011)

I was quite obsessed with this film (to get to see it), and it was so meh. It was probably one of the last films Gary Marshall ever produced, and I hoped it would be something similar to Valentine’s Day. In all essence it was but lacked the heart.

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You Again (2010)

I enjoyed this on the most basic level. It had a pretty good message that bullying stays with you forever and it was nice to watch such a light movie where romance wasn’t the core of the plot.

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The Choice (2016)

I have this game with Nicholas Sparks movies where I HAVE to watch it despite knowing it will probably end up being super crap. But The Choice is one of the better ones, certainly better than the awful Best of Me, and I has a somewhat of a decent time with it.

Read:

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The Woman Who Stole My Life (Marian Keyes)

I finally finished TWWSTM. It was gigantic, and maybe 50 pages too long and then ended up with a rough ending, but this is the least bizarre book I’ve read from Keyes in a while.

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Definitely Dead / All Together Dead / From Dead to Worse

Exam brain wants me back on books where I need no brain power, and I’ve been reading some of the Southern Vampire Mysteries again. I’ve actually been having a really good time with this non-Pulitzer material.

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New Moon (Stephanie Meyer)

I’m slowly making my way through these books. Bella is a joy to behold in this particular novel, let me tell you. I always have fun with this – part enjoyment; part scoffing, and it has been the perfect read throughout exam time.

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I am Number Four (Pittacus Lore)

This book is SO good. It is obviously a book that was written at the beginning of the dystopic craze; because the ideas are original and GOOD, and things are named intelligently (the naming conventions in other dystopian novels are quite ridiculous). I need to finish this still, but it is going well.

On a Life front, those of you who follow me on Instagram will know that I got myself a new car. It really wasn’t an option as I was in a car accident that wrote my little Suzuki Alto off. To say I was upset was an understatement, and it was pretty stressful sorting it out. I have to say my insurers were absolutely fantastic, and I will (and have) recommended them to anybody. However, it was the first car I’d ever owned, and I was so heart sore about the entire process.

It feels like a lot of things have happened the last month. I’ve had a dear friend in hospital, I’ve been in an accident, there was a break-in at my sister’s boyfriend’s house and another friend of mine got attacked and robbed at gunpoint.  So it’s been quite hectic. I’m in need of a Bilbo Baggins holiday to say the LEAST. Oh, I also went to a bachelorettes that was quite wild, and let me tell you, I was shocked at some of the actions there. I’ve been to a significant amount of wild parties in my young life, so when I am shocked, I am S.H.O.C.K.E.D. It feels like I need a peaceful December without any drama. I am on leave for two weeks at the end of December (hear me sobbing in gratitude), and I am so happy that I will get to a place where I don’t need to start functioning at 4:30 am. It will be great.

Anyway, what’s news on your side?

PS: Let’s not even talk about my Blindspot progress. It’s worse than the state of the American election right now.

PPS: I can’t wait until Hillary wins JUST so that Donald can shut TF up.

Movie Review: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010)

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Plot: Master sorcerer Balthazar Blake must find and train Merlin’s descendant to defeat dark sorceress Morgana le Fey.

Rating: 5.5/10

Looking at Nicholas Cage’s face was the most entertaining thing I did a few nights ago. Can we just take a moment to reflect how sad that is? I really do need to stop my little reclusive habits and get out of the house once in a while. Or not. Blankets are soft and people are stupid, right? Okay, yeah.

I saw the Sorcerer’s Apprentice ages ago, before I was branded the movie snob in the family. Did blogging do this to me? Maybe. Is Zoë maybe responsible – for showing me both Godfathers and many other excellent films? It is possible. I don’t remember a lot of the time when I watched it, but it was enough to have me buy the DVD when I saw it on special a few years ago. It has been left untouched for a while, and I picked it up the other night thinking that wild fun was ahead. (I really am starting to sound damn old)

Needless to say, this movie was quite crappy. Not really as bad as A Million Ways To Die in the West (I’m reviewed that for Shitfest yesterday, so go take a look at Eric’s site – I think it might be up a bit later in the day, if Sugar Pappy hasn’t thrown it into his Recycling bin – CRY CRY CRY)

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The best thing about the movie is Nicholas Cage. Whether he tries to or not, the man is endlessly amusing. Although not really a BAD actor, he has a way of looking completely unbelievable in most movies. He plays, Balthazar, a Morganian who has to protect something or save someone, I’m not really sure. He naturally lost the love of his life – how else can he possibly be a mysterious hero if that has not happened?! So Balthazar takes interest when a young boy, named Dave – not creepy at all, wanders into his shop because he followed a piece of paper or something. Dave (at this stage played by Jake Cherry) – witness a duel between Balthazar and Hovarth after he letsHovarth out of a container or something, and when he tries to warn his classmates, he suffers embarrassment because B and H have disappeared somehow and it look like Dave wet his pants.

Got that? Okay. Let’s move on to the next segment – approximately 10 years later, Dave (now played by Jay Baruchel) has grown into a genius Nerd and has mostly gotten over the wet pants incident. Mostly. He stumbles into Becky (Teresa Palmer), his childhood crush who witnessed his wet pants incident. She’s way cool now, and Dave and Becky starts hanging again.

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Balthazar once again enters the show when he and Hovarth escape the container they were held in, and a massive epic battle begins. Will Dave and Becky end up together? Can they somehow save the Morganians when they are crippled by ineptitude? Why does Hovarth dislike Balthazar so much?

Now that we all have a basic outline of that preposterous story, can I just say WHAT THE FUCK? The story has way too many plot lines it wanted to develop – I haven’t even started on the prologue or the whole Balthazar and his love interest thing. You need a pretty fine director and writer to pull this kind of story of, and then you need to drop the cheese and probably invest in some good actors as well.

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As mentioned above, Nic Cage is not such a bad actor, he’s just a highly amusing one. I haven’t yet posted Kick-Ass, but he was such fun in there. Isn’t he with Meg Ryan in City of Angels? – man, I wept buckets over that shit. If the name Jay Baruchel sounds familiar – you are quite right. He is our favorite dragon rider in the How to Train your Dragon franchise. As an actor on screen, it kind of creeps me out that his voice is so squeaky when connected to an actual male. He’s also not really talented as an actor, in my opinion, but that is only based on this one viewing experience. Teresa Palmer as love interest Becky reminds me of Brit Robertson but without the sparkle or the talent – and she doesn’t really carry the role well and lacks the charm required for this. Alfred Molina leads the supporting cast as Hovarth, and he portrays the villainy of his character with wriggling eyebrows and a muhahaha style of acting.

To finish off this gross atrocity of a film, the CGI is painful to behold. I can  really enjoy cheese and bad CGI if done well, but I was convinced again that I could do better in ten minutes armed with a CGI for Dummies book.

This movie was silly and stupid and lacked charm or character, both of which could have saved it significantly. It still has Cage in, so at least a bit of fun was had!

Warm Bodies (2013)

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What am I doing with my life? I’m so pale. I should get out more. I should eat better. My posture is terrible. I should stand up straighter. People would respect me more if I stood up straighter. What’s wrong with me? I just want to connect. Why can’t I connect with people? Oh, right, it’s because I’m dead. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I mean, we’re all dead. This girl is dead. That guy is dead. That guy in the corner is definitely dead. Jesus these guys look awful.

R is a Zombie. He can’t remember what his name used to be, or how he got to be a Zombie, what disease might have caused it, but now he spends his day walking around in a catatonic state, staring at his fellow zombies. His best friend is M (Rob Corddry), another Zombie. They occasionally grunt and speaking a word (literally, one word). R feels that he is different from the other zombies. They are completely lifeless but R is still processing his surroundings, collecting things, and constantly thinking. There are other zombies as well, who’ve progressed further into the monstrous state and they are called Bonies, because they all peeled their skin off eventually. They are horrible and dangerous and much crueller than the other zombies.

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M asks R if he wants food, and they and another bunch of zombies head out to hunt humans. They find a group of humans, led by Perry Kelvin (Dave Franco), who is outside the protective walls to find medicine for the remaining humans. A fight ensues, and R kills Perry and eats his brain. He glimpses into Perry’s life, and sees his relationship with Julie (Teresa Palmer), who is still fighting the zombies. He saves Julie’s life by making her smell like a Zombie and takes her to where he lives.

Julie is frightened and wants to go home, but is fascinated by R and how different he is from her perception of zombies.

Eventually R takes her home because her safety becomes a major concern. On the way, he tells Julie that he killed Perry and she disappears without him.

M finds R and it is clear that he and some of the other zombies have also starting healing. M tells R that the Bonies are mad that a change is happening and are planning to attack the human enclosure. R decides to go warn Julie, despite the danger.

Will R be able to warn Julie? Will she believe him? What will her father do when he finds out what his daughter has been up to? Can the Bonies be defeated?

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Rating: 7/10

This was such a cute, fun movie that I enjoyed unexpectedly. I thought I would dislike it – the story sounds so corny and I was rolling my eyes when I heard that Hollywood was producing a zombie love story. I mean, honestly? I kept on postponing watching this even though I had heard decent things about it. Warm Bodies succeeded in impressing me – the acting was well done and the progression of how everything went down came along nicely.

I actually enjoyed the presence of Analeigh Tipton, something I never enjoy (she has such an annoying face). Nicholas Hoult should get more roles – not only is he gorgeous he can act as well. Same goes for Dave Franco – his older brother is so annoying but this beautiful man is definitely not. I thought Teresa Palmer was a good choice to play Julie. Julie was a good character and she was admirable and a real fighter. She showed that kindness could be given to something you don’t understand and that if someone’s atrocities shouldn’t be a damning conviction on the rest of the species. I do admire her – not many girls can cope with loving a man who ate your previous boyfriend’s brain.

The theory of healing Zombies was ridiculous, and the zombies not very scary (although the Bonies were), the movie was fun because it didn’t take itself so seriously.

Recommended as some light hearted movie watching. Bestie, I think even you would like this! I can see myself watching this again at some point, and that itself is a rarity these days. Go try it out!