Five things Friday: The Five Personalities that needs a slap at work

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Oh, office life. The office is like returning to highschool – an enclosed space where tempers and hormones flow between people who come from different political, cultural and educational background. A hotbed for dislike, as I’m sure you will all agree. I’ve compiled you a list of the most annoying types around below, but please feel free to add more in the comments section as I am a hundred percent certain the irritation is an ongoing process.

The: I have sooooo many degrees and I am soooooo qualified

Wow, I am so honoured to meet you. Please enlighten me with your 15 years of knowledge gained at University, but please apply all this PRACTICALLY to show me YOU KNOW HOW.

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Your degree makes you nothing if you can’t apply it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that I will take a logical, practical problem solver over a highly educated, self-important narcissist who shakes when they use a pipette because it is such a foreign object.

The: My parents are so rich so I studied this and then got bored then tried this and then that wasn’t for me and now I am going to study teaching YAAAY

Well, why don’t you just climb into your Audi that you got on your 18th birthday and drive quickly to a place of safety before any violence gestures ensue?

I am so happy for you that you’ve never really had to work hard a day in your life, that you could always fall back against your parents’ bed of currency.  Really now.

The: Oh, I’m so sorry you have bronchitis. I was MUCH sicker than you that one time in Uzbekistan (remember my AWESOME trip right?!) because I had pneumonia and Cholera and Ebola combined.

I think you all get this one really well, so I won’t go into too much detail except suggest that when a person is really ill, they don’t want to hear how much worse off you were than them.

The: I just can’t eat when I’m so stressed type.

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Hmm, well, I’ll go drink a milkshake to get over my stress.

The: I am ALWAYS right and your ideas makes no sense, but when I realise you were right and your idea makes sense please don’t expect an apology because I am way too important for that.

Because who needs good vibes at work?

And a bonus: I’m the world’s biggest virgin and yet I boast about my sexual conquests to everyone so they will think I am Tiger Woods.

Bitch please. If you could get a girl to willingly get within fifty meters of you, I am marrying Tom Hardy this weekend.