About me

Hi! I saw these questions on the internet some time ago and thought it would be fun to answer them.

List 5 random facts about yourself

I often confuse the words orange and purple. I know exactly which colour is which, but for some reason the words come out mixed.

I love wearing black. It doesn’t make me morose or Goth; it is just a colour I love to wear.

I think apples are disgusting. It is most definitely not the food Eve ate in the garden…

I would love to visit France and see the Eiffel tower.

I love the smell of new books.

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

Drowning – I can’t swim, so I have always had a semi fear of large amounts of water.

Large dogs – I have very vivid dreams, and once dreamt that a large dog was chasing me in our house. This dream isn’t in any way realistic, since I was on the room divider hiding from said dog, but since then I am eerily afraid of canines.

Change – I am usually afraid of changing things around me. If I don’t see a reason to, I can be very stubborn about it.

List 5 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

Don’t worry too much about the people around you – you will make new friends and barely remember these people’s names in 7 years.

Appreciate your body more. This is probably the thinnest you will ever be.

Start talking to people, don’t be so shy.

Choose other subjects. Consumer sciences and Information technology won’t be any use to you in your future career as a microbiologist.

Be nicer to your family. They are, at the end of the day, the people who will stick with you forever.

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

The idea of visiting my best friend at the end of April.

My revamped room.

Reading.

Coffee.

Exercising.

If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?

I wish that I could win the Lotto

I wish that I could find the man I am destined to marry.

I wish that I could always be content.

What is your dream job, and why?
I am pretty much doing it right now, or at least working towards it, but I would love to travel to other countries and work there as a microbiologist. I would also love to be the writer of a published novel.

What are 5 passions you have?
I am in love with writing, and developing my blog.

Reading

Fashion and designing shoes. If I had more time on my hands, I would definitely have another blog dedicated solely to fashion.

I love watching and playing sport, and exercising.

I love to organise things when I have the time.- I am passionate about this blog. I really love it.

Describe your most embarrassing moment.
This isn’t actually possible, since I am known for doing silly things. Probably walking into a wall while checking someone out. It was pretty funny to everyone but me.

Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
Spelling and grammar errors.

People who are rude to waiters.

People who throw trash out of their car windows.

Men who don’t flush the toilet. (Too much info, I know, but I really detest it)

I hate how I procrastinate when I know something is important, and the stress I feel because I haven’t done it yet.

People who believe every email they receive. Like lady Gaga being a demon or something. Honestly

Fans. Really. People freaking out because Justin Bieber cut his hair. People who cry hysterically when they hear One Direction is coming to their country on tour.

Couples who date for two weeks and then become engaged. Or people who serially become engaged.

Pants. I dislike wearing them so much. I would much rather wear a dress, skirt or tights.

Naughty children whose parents can’t control them.

People who think they are the owners of your time and expect you to leave everything to help them.

Describe a typical day in your current life.
Wake up, go to the bathroom, wash face, brush teeth, choose outfit, do hair, do makeup. Get lunch ready. Go to work. Browse internet for 30 minutes, publish blog.

Get reagents ready for the day in lab. Start processing. Have lunch. Rush to finish on time.

Get home. Try to exercise. Eat, bath, read/watch series, sleep.

What’s the hardest part of growing up?
Finding your identity when everyone expects you to fit in.

Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.
Weaknesses:

Eating chocolate.

Swearing.

Negativity.

Procrastination.

Not taking off my nail polish in time.

Strengths:

Honesty

Organisational skills

Dedication.

Kindness.

I spell things correctly.

What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

I don’t think I have 5, but here goes:

Finding a career path that suits me perfectly, even though I never thought I would end up in a lab.

Losing 20 kg’s in a two year frame.

Finding myself.

What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Playing music. I would love to play the piano or violin. They are both such lovely instruments but I just never had the time or money to learn

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
Imagining the future isn’t a great idea as things can go into another direction very easily. I would love to be married, settled comfortably with my degree finished, even though I don’t have a definite time frame. I am not sure if I want children, so I am not putting a frame on that either. I would love to visit a few countries before I am old as well.

What’s your favourite holiday and why?

Probably when I went to Jeffrey’s bay in 2011. It was wonderful to be at the coast again.

If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
All my ancestors. Then I would be able to see where I have come from and why I am here. I would eat some traditional Afrikaans food, just so that they can be comfortable.

What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
That all women are supposed to have children.

What is your favourite part of your body and why?
My feet haha. Because they take me everywhere.

List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
10?!

My dry sense of humour.

My ability to cope.

My sense of style.

That I could make sad people smile.

That I understood when to talk and when to comfort.

That I could be calm in a time of crisis.

That I could drink more than men can (haha)

That I had excellent comebacks.

That I never wore Crocs.

That i always stayed true to myself and my friends.

Do answer some of the questions about yourself – it is strangely difficult!

Book Review: The Golden Lily (Richelle Mead)

Book: 11/100

I have been meaning to blog about this book for ages, but I am always daunted by the task as soon as I start typing. I loved this book, but there are so many things that happen in it that my post would become either very long or boring. Also, I don’t want to say too many things, because I think it would be awesome if some of you gave this series a try. So here is it, without any spoilers J

The Golden Lily starts almost immediately where Bloodlines ended. Sydney is instructed to go to a underground bunker during the night. She arrives, and sees what has happened to Keith Darnell in the past few months that he has been detained in the re-education camps by the Alchemists. Keith seems crazy and even Sydney, who hates him, feels sympathy towards him. She testifies that she knows he hates vampires, but he is still rotten as a person. It amazes her that Keith’s father couldn’t care less about his son’s terrible personality, as long as he remembers to never accept vampires. This makes Sydney realise once again how serious it would be to allow her to become more attached to her vampire friends.

Back at Amberwood Prep, she deals with Jill’s heartache over her dead (and crazy) boyfriend Lee Donahue. When Jill starts dating a human, Micah, Sydney decides not to interfere, seeing it as a teenage romance and knowing that Jill is a very responsible Jill. It is obvious to Sydney that the dhampir with them, Eddie, is still in love with Jill, even though he chooses to protect her instead of acknowledging his feelings.

While they have time off, Sydney helps the team, led by Sonya Karp and Dimitri Belikov, a dhampir and Moroi who were once Strigoi, to search for the explanation to why a being returned from Strigoi state to their natural forms can’t be turned into Strigoi again. As they remember the Strigoi not able to drink blood from Sydney, they want to take some of her blood to test. This freaks her out, and when they try to pressure her into it, Adrian explodes in her defence. This startles Sydney, and starts to awaken the girl in her, and amazes her that he could feel that protective towards her.

Sydney is incredible naïve towards men. When her friend Trey introduces her to a work colleague, Brayden, she is stunned that he likes her enough to want to date her. Brayden is like Sydney in male form – controlled, highly intelligent, serious. They start to date, and when he finally kisses her, she is let down by how she is unmoved by him. On a trip with Adrian to see his father, it turns out disastrously. Adrian and Sydney briefly touch, and she feels everything she is supposed to feel with Brayden.

When Sonya is attacked and taken captive by a break away sect of the Alchemists, the Warriors of Light, Sydney realises she needs to save her friend. When she finds out that Trey is part of the group, she organises to go speak to his leaders to save Sonya. She arrives at the building, and even with her master negotiating skills she is unable to convince them to let Sonya go. Just when she thinks it is too late, a bunch of Dhampir guardians storm the building to save them both. Sydney nearly doesn’t escape, but once outside, she is found by Adrian who helps her get out. When she learns that they had planned the rescue all along, she is angry with them all, especially Adrian, for having no faith in her skills.

Sydney and Brayden eventually break up, and instead of being sad she is delighted when he calls her irresponsible. She goes to tell Adrian what happened, and they finally kiss. The book ends where she tells him no matter what happens, she will never be able to be with him.

Rating: 7/10

I couldn’t stop reading this book! I finished it in two days, then repeatedly went back to rehash it all. It was really mesmerising and well written. The character development is done so well. Adrian becomes the hero, and his courage is just so hot (haha). Richelle Mead really did a great job with him and Sydney. Everything for impossible romance is there: two totally different people, opposing beliefs and impossible circumstances. I really think many people would like these books, because it really isn’t just another romance vampire book. Ultimately, it is about a girl who realises that even that she was taught something her entire life, she doesn’t need to ultimately stick to it.

Read about book one: Bloodlines, here

Tuesday thoughts

Courage sometimes isn’t about doing hugely heroic deeds; it can be the smallest actions no one else has the power to face.

I think this is the cartoon version of me.

Me

This is how I feel on weekends (or actually on weekdays as well, but a girl needs her salary)

weekend feelings

Currently watching Once Upon a Time season two and LOVING it.

Rumplestiltskin

If I only visit one country it must be Paris. Seeing the Eiffel tower is one of my greatest dreams.

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It is Easter weekend! This is probably the best time of year for South-Africans. So many consecutive long weekends. #noOneComplain

I can’t understand how people want to take the hashtag away. It is so much fun. Leave it alone.

I am reading Harry Potter. Again. (My books looks exactly like these)

Harry-Potter-First-Editions

Weekend and Books

It feels like ages since I have posted anything. Quite understandable, since it has been ages. I had a lovely long weekend. I was away from work since Thursday, which was Human Rights Day here in South-Africa, and I took the Friday off as well. It was so great to just relax for a bit!

Here is a review of a book I read this weekend:

Montana Sky by Nora Roberts:

Book: 10/100

It has been a while since a Nora Roberts book really captivated me, so I was surprised when this one did. It focuses on Mercy Ranch, where Jack Mercy’s death brings nothing but more trouble for his younger daughter, Willa Mercy. Raised by her strict and mean father, Willa struggles to deal with the death of the man that never really loved or praised her. As if torturing her in life was not enough, he leaves the ranch to Willa and to her two sisters she has never met: Lily and Tess. They both arrive at the memorial, and hearing they need to stay with Willa on the ranch for one year to be able to cash in their share of it. to add more insult to the will, Jack Mercy appoints a supervisor over the estate for one year: Ben McKinnon, who has always been an irritant to Willa.

For Tess, a screenwriter in Hollywood, living on Mercy is initially a punishment she endures with a lot of complaining. She bumps heads with Willa often as they are both strong headed, but she slowly falls for the beauty of the ranch and the lovely horses. She also starts up a relationship with Nate, Willa’s lawyer and friend.

For Lily, the ranch is a safe haven from her abusive ex-husband, Jesse Cooke. On the ranch she slowly recovers from her horrible marriage and past. She falls in love with Adam Wolfchild, half sibling of Willa.

Unbeknownst to anyone, Jesse Cooke is stalking his ex-wife Lily again. He finds work on Ben’s ranch, and plays poker with the cowboys on Mercy to gain information on her. He is a straight up monster, thinking of Lily constantly as his sole possession. He attacks Lily and Adam in their home, taking Lily into the wilderness. They send out a team immediately, but Lily is found relatively unharmed, but the same cannot be said for her ex-husband. While Lily slept in a fever induced sleep, someone murdered Jesse, and left him with Lily.

Now on the ranch it becomes obvious that there were two killers on the loose, Jesse and another unknown identity.

The farm quiets down, and Willa allows herself to admit she is falling for Ben McKinnon. They are happy, although they don’t discuss what they so obviously feel. Then everything explodes when a cowboy attacks Ham, a loyal worker on the ranch, and takes Willa captive into the wilderness. Jim, a seemingly innocent man, confesses towards all the horrendous murders that happened on the ranch. He claims to be the son of Jack Mercy, and Willa tries to agree with him to save her life. Ben finds them, and kills Jim.

The story ends happily, with all three sisters finding love, and each other.

Rating: 6.5/10

I really enjoyed this book. I have always found something magical in stories about farms and ranches (probably the farming heritage coming through) and this book was no different. I love how Nora Roberts made three such outstanding female characters, each with different versions of courage and power. The story is well written, wrapping horror and romance so effectively together that you become addicted. I will definitely read this book again, since this is the type of novel that made me a Nora Roberts fan to begin with.

Milestone

Hello readers 🙂

i_love_blogging1

This will be my 100th blog post. I am pretty impressed with myself. When I started my blog, I honestly did not imagine I would even get to 50 posts! Writing is an exhausting process, and although I love it, I haven’t always made the time to commit to it. Now I feel a little incomplete if I haven’t published in a day. Thank you for taking the time to read through my blog!

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guest-blogging

Tuesday Thoughts

Probability and Statistics:  What is the probability of me thinking of throwing my Statistics book out of the window and not doing it or the probability of thinking of throwing my Statistics book out of the window and actually doing it? I am fighting with Statistics each evening now to finish an assignment for Friday. It makes no sense. Everybody tries to explain it by telling me about a dice falling to one side (or something) but really, that makes no sense either.

Feeling age creep up. I am only 23, but I feel so old these days. Everyone near my age group is pregnant, engaged, married or wildly successful. That means 23 isn’t that young right?! I need to start checking for wrinkles and grey hair. Sigh.

Reading Nora Roberts again and I am loving this book a whole lot. The best feeling in the world is when a book grips you and won’t let go.

I am moving over to a Samsung phone when I upgrade. I am completely over my BlackBerry 😐

I want to go watch The Wizard of Oz this weekend. It looks to be very entertaining.

I love quotes and quirky statements on a pretty background. They are motivating, true and make me laugh out loud. Which is awesome.

Einstein quote

funny2

Get drunk

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Maya Angelou quote

have a happy Tuesday!

Natasha

Weekend books

When my laptop broke this weekend, I knew I would have to catch up on my reading, seeing as there were no other distractions. So, in between the major Poker playing that took over everything, and studying, I finished two books. Sunday were especially made for reading, with its rainy weather.

Carrie (Stephen King)

Book 8/100

I started reading the book after my good friend recommend I start reading some Stephen King. See, I had mistakenly believed that Stephen King only wrote horrors (and I don’t read horrors). I was so surprised and shocked when I read the book! Basically, it is about a young girl, Carrie White, who has frightening power and not the stability to deal with it. Raised by her fanatical Christian mother, Carrie is an outcast at school. Her telekinetic abilities are activated when her first menstrual cycle begins, in front of her school mates. Bullied and humiliated at school, and terrorised at home, she finds the power comforting and soon starts to use it to protect herself against her mother. Susan Snell, a girl who was involved with Carrie’s humiliation, soothes her conscience by getting her boyfriend to take Carrie to the prom, thinking if such a popular guy asks the outcast, Carrie will be accepted by everyone, and her horrors would be forgotten. Chris Hargensen, one of the school’s most atrocious girls, decides that she needs to embarrass Carrie even further; not knowing the power her victim is capable of. At the prom, she throws pig blood on Carrie, and the girl finally cracks. She sets fire to the gymnasium with her power, killing most of her classmates. She walks through town, steadily destroying everything, with a final destination: her mother. Her fanatical mother believes she should kill Carrie, and when she is arrives at home, she critically injures her daughter. Carrie kills her mom, fleeing the house, and finally dies with Susan Snell sitting with her.

Rating: 7/10

What a mesmerising book! Stephen King is an obvious genius. The book gripped me. I enjoyed the style of the book – jumping between reports, interviews and the true story. I felt like true justice was served when Chris Hargensen died, as she was the worst bully I had read about in a while. The next Stephen King book I will read is the Green Mile (I first want a hardback copy of it). I suspect I will love it just as much.

Alice in Wonderland (Lewis Carrol)

Book 9/100

For someone who reads everything she can find, it is surprising and strange that I had never read one of the greatest fairy tales of all time. If I had read Alice in Wonderland as a child, it would probably be right with Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings for me (in the thoroughly-addicted-to-it section). Now, I think it is a good book, exceptionally written, and very strange. A few times I wondered whether Lewis Carrol went on a drug-induced writing spree, because like I said, the tale is STRANGE. I found myself thinking of the similar writing styles between this book and the Hobbit. I am not sure if I am the only one who noticed it, but to me it was like reading different books by the same writer (obviously it wasn’t written by the same person). I would rate this book a 6.5/10 – truly fantastic, but I am a bit old for it now.

I can’t believe that I am done with a tenth of the challenge. I still have to blog about a few of the books I have already read as part of it and that will take me past the 10 book mark. It is fun to track how many books I read in a year, and find new reads and authors.

What did you read this weekend?

Book Review: The Guardian (Nicholas Sparks)

Book: 7/100

*contains spoilers

When Julie Barenson’s husband Jim died, he decided to help her carry on with her life. He wrote her a lovely letter, telling her of his desire for her to be happy again. With his letter he sent a Great Dane puppy to her as his last gift.

Seven years later, Julie still lives in her marital home. She has adapted and moved on, and lives a happy and peaceful life with her dog, Singer, and close friends. She is finally ready to move on, and starts dating. Her first few attempts are disappointing, so when she meets Richard Franklin, and he is everything she hoped for, she seems to be very happy. Her feelings fizzle towards him, but his develops strongly. The one night he leaves a note at her door, making Singer go berserk, only to tell her that he needs to go out of town for a few days.

On the background, her close friend Mike struggles with his feelings towards her. He tries to be happy she is finally ready to move on, but he doesn’t seem able to get a liking towards Richard – especially since Richard seems to rub Mike’s face in it every time Richard and Julie show up somewhere. When a construction worker under Richard’s management leaves cryptic hints about Richard’s temper at the garage Mike co-owns, Mike realises that it is his duty to tell Julie, even if they are only friends. He refrains from telling her for a short while, especially when Julie starts realising that Mike might very well be the person for her.

When Richard returns to town and Julie tells him that she isn’t interested in a relationship with him, he seems to take it well. He tells her he went out of town to sit with his dying mother during her last moments, and Julie lets him sleep on her couch because he is so upset. She decides not to tell Mike, because by her reasoning nothing happened and she knows he would be hurt because he had a girlfriend cheat on him before, causing insecurities.

The reader switches over to Richard’s life, and things seem definitely off. Horribly abused as a child, Richard became twisted emotionally, finally turning into the same man he despised in his father. Richard finally killed his father, passing it as suicide. He eventually killed his mother as well, when she turned into an abuser as well. In foster care he seriously beat up two older kids, not hesitating to stab himself with a knife to put substance to his claim that he was protecting himself. He starts mixing his deceased wife and Julie up, and the similarities are troubling.

When Julie runs into Richard at the grocery store, she gets upset when he asks her out again. She tells him in very clear terms she’s not interested, and walks away. That night, she starts receiving typical stalker phone calls – silence on the other side when answered. It happens repeatedly the first night Mike stays at her house, and then frequently after that. On a trip with Mike, his brother Henry and Henry’s wife Emma, Julie notices someone looking at them through binoculars. She realises it is Richard, and finally tells Mike what is going on. That night, while Mike is helping out as a member in a band, Richard appears in the bar where he is playing. Mike snaps, and physically attacks Richard. Richard acts defenceless and shocked, and threatens legal action against him. The main investigating officer, Pete Gandy, is a complete moron, choosing to look at his muscles rather than realising how scared Mike and Julie is. His partner, new police officer Jennifer Romanello, is irritated by his perpetual idiocy, and takes Julie and Mike seriously. She starts investigating Richard secretly, though none of his information makes sense to her.

The situation becomes more puzzling when Emma spots Richard and a co-worker of Julie, Andrea, in another town together. She calls Julie and tells them she saw them kiss. Julie hopes this is a sign that Richard will leave her alone. The following day, when Andrea doesn’t show up at work, they think it is because of her habitual bad work ethic. Officers Gandy and Romanello respond to a call where a driver saw something on the road looking suspicious, and they find Andrea unconscious, beaten up on the road. The police finally take the situation seriously when Richard almost drives over Officer Gandy, and thousands of photos of Julie are found in his house.

Julie and Mike flee town, hiding at Henry’s beach house. Richard realises this, and changes his appearance to prevent arrest. He patiently waits for someone to lead him to their hideaway, just like he did with his wife Jessica. He finally gets to the beach house, following the police car carrying Gandy to be protection to Julie.

At the police station, officer Romanello continues searching for information about Richard. She follows up on his references on his CV, also which makes no sense. Every employer of Richard Franklin claims he was a lovely man, obviously gay. Romanello finally makes a breakthrough when she finds that the real Franklin has been missing, and that he had his identity stolen. She finally finds his true identity – Robert Bonham, a police suspect for the disappearance of his estranged wife Jessica.

At the beach house, Julie lets Singer run on the beach. He is poisoned by Richard/Robert, and when Julie frantically start searching for Singer, Richard attacks Officer Gandy and Mike. With Singer dying, Julie flees from Richard. He catches up to her, and when he finally starts to lose his grip on reality, Singer attacks Richard, defying all odds and fighting against the poison. Officer Romanello, who realised Richard had figured out their location, kills Richard when he tries to kill Julie.

Rating: 6.5/10

This is a great book. It is so different from the books usually written by Nicholas Sparks (they are great as well). The terror and suspense creeps up on the reader, and when you finally notice it you are in a fully-fledged drama. Sparks’s characters are always so well developed and real. There is nothing unrealistic about them – they can be real people living next to you. Richard is terrifying villain  The glimpse into his life and insanity is terrifying. He always writes emotional books, and this one is just the same in that way. I was bawling my eyes out at the end.

Book challenge: Progress

Since February (when I started my 100 books challenge) I have read quite a bit. Although it has mainly been the type of books I traditionally read, I have started on some new genres as well. If you have ideas to what I should be reading, please feel free to drop suggestions in the comments.

Here is my completed reading list so far:

Chasing Fire – Nora Roberts

The Search- Nora Roberts

Hidden Star- Nora Roberts

Fallen Star- Nora Roberts

Captive star- Nora Roberts

Bloodlines – Richelle Mead

The Golden Lily- Richelle Mead

The Fiery Heart- Richelle Mead

Nicholas Sparks – The Guardian

Books I am busy reading right now:

Nicholas Sparks – The Lucky one

Stephen King – Carrie

Lewis Carrol – Alice in Wonderland

Books I am planning to read:

Susan Collins: Hunger Games

Susan Collins: Catching Fire

Susan Collins: Mockingjay

 Harry Potter (Philosopher’s Stone, Chamber of Secrets, Prisoner of Azkaban, Goblet of Fire, Order of the Phoenix, Half-blood Prince, Deathly Hallows)

JK Rowling: The Casual Vacancy

Marian Keyes: The Mystery of Mercy Close

Khaled Hosseini: A thousand splendid suns

Don’t you just love books?

Book Review: Secret Star (Nora Roberts)

Book: 6/100

Secret Star is the conclusion to the Stars of Mithra series. The previous books, Hidden Star and Captive Star, saw Bailey James and MJ O Leary chase to save their lives, and find love. Now, with both of them safe, the only missing person and star is Grace Fontaine.

Detective Seth Buchanan arrives at Grace’s apartment to inspect her dead body; he is struck by the waste of her death. The portrait of Grace on the wall stuns him, and he constantly returns to it. But Grace returns to her flat – alive, causing confusion to whom the victim might be. Grace identifies her as a niece, part of the family who despises Grace for her wealth and beauty.

The former centrefold model and detective Buchannan are constantly sniping at each other. He is constantly annoyed with the rumours that surround Grace, her ability to turn grown men into puppies, and his attraction to her. He finally acts on it, but turns away multiple times in fear of losing control. He sets out to find the people behind the bodies that keep piling up because of the stones.

When Grace invites Seth to a dinner gala, he accompanies her only to spend time with her, not for the party. There, they meet Ambassador Gregor deVane. He is strikingly handsome, and becomes obsessed with Grace. It is finally revealed that he is responsible for all the murders, and also the person who wanted to steal the Stones.

Seth fights with Grace, feeling that she is becoming too essential in his life. He leaves in anger, but returns when her alarm goes off. He finds an empty house, and knows Ambassador deVane took her. Arresting him is impossible, so Seth, Jack and Cade set out to free her. Grace takes matters into her own hands, fleeing her room, and finds Seth on her way out. He hands her over to Jack, and goes back in to get DeVane, where he ends up killing him.

Grace runs from the city, still angry at Seth for his cruelty. When he arrives at her country home, she is afraid to take him back. He begs her, promising a life of love and children, and she finally accepts.

Rating: 4.5/10

Although the book was entertaining at times, I have read better Nora Roberts’ books. The basic outline of all three books are generic romance types, and I cannot say I didn’t know how it would end. Seth and Grace seem unrealistic as a couple, and Seth seems like an ass most of the time. Grace is written to portray that beautiful women have morals and aspirations as well, but I wasn’t too impressed with her. It was still a good read though, and I can predict that I will pick it up again if I am bored J